Kristina writes a weekly reflection which places the esoteric teachings into daily life. They are thought provoking and pertinent to 21st Century living. They focus on how we can express our I AM, our True Self, more fully in daily situations.

To Journey Back 136

The continuing journey of a deceased person looking back through their life in reverse.

I continue to think about the higher experiences we can have when we live on the earth in a physical body. I see that many people value these higher experiences too highly. In this way they devalue their physical experiences and miss the purpose of their life on the earth. During my life on the earth I saw that people were either too engrossed in their physical life, or they flew off into the spiritual worlds – often unconsciously. Rarely did I see people work with both these states of consciousness at the one time.

As I consider this I understand that we are spiritual beings; that our true home is in the spiritual worlds. This raises the question about why we live on the earth. The purpose of life on the earth is to become fully conscious, independent beings that create their own experience of life rather than depending on any outside guidance. This means that we must create inner images or imaginations instead of relying on the outer images the gods produced for us over the eons. It also means that we have to think for ourselves rather than accept ideas given to us by spiritual beings.

This requires a lot of strength and determination; these arise out of the will-forces within each human being. Becoming aware of the will-forces is an important task; they lie hidden within each of us until we show that we can manage them. If they are awakened too soon they can be very destructive. If they are not awakened, human beings can become puppets of entities in the spiritual worlds. Weighing up these two possibilities is an important task and requires finely tuned thinking and feeling.

Some of the best ways to work with these will-forces is to face adversity. Human suffering is all about becoming aware of the inner will-forces and learning how to use them wisely. These forces are powerful and so easily misused.

One of the common ways these forces are misused is to impose our will on others. It is a natural response to earthly life. It is always easier to see how other people can improve than to see ways in which we can improve. Yet, first of all we must impose our will on ourselves to transform our impulses and reserve our judgment. This is why it is wise to think our responses through for at least three days. In this way human beings become aware of their inner will-forces. In this awareness thinking is activated and feelings can be guided. There is so much I could say about the will but I know I can only give suggestions to encourage the important personal work with the will.

In some ways this work makes us feel like we have lost our life. As we begin to understand the nature of the will, we have to stop using it in the way we are accustomed to using it. That has to die. This doesn’t just happen once, it happens in cycles, again and again. We reach a point where we will stop ourselves from saying something because we have insight into the way it will affect the other person. Our advice is usually not helpful to others; if they react to it they are distracted from their own efforts to become conscious of their will. Demonstrating the right use of our will is the only way forward.

One such demonstration is to be an example of how to deal calmly with difficult situations. Yet, instinctively human beings avoid difficult situations in earthly life. They don’t realize that it is only through dealing with difficult situations that awareness of the will is stirred.

The will-force in human beings is actually the body’s life. It dwells unconsciously deep within the physical body. It regulates all the fluids in the body, digests the food and distributes its elements to where they are required in the body. This is a death process which produces life – it means that the body kills what it ingests and gives it new life. In this way it resurrects what it takes in from the outside world to make it suitable for personal use. This is exactly what must take place in human consciousness as well.

By arousing the will-force in our consciousness we become aware of our responsibility to unite physical and spiritual awareness. We begin to see the spiritual presence in everything physical, not just in matter, but also in the consciousness of all human beings. When one of us sees this potential it creates the possibility for more people to see it. We don’t interfere with other people’s consciousness by giving them advice; we surround them with the cloud of our own awareness which inspires them. Inspiration is a breathing process, what one breathes out the other can breathe in – silently.

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To Journey Back 137

I see how different life on earth would be if each human being understood that they are always free to make choices in their life. Yet, they don’t understand exactly where these choices can be made. Therefore, some choices produce agreeable results, others not so.

What isn’t understood by many people is that choices begin within, in the soul. The possibility of making choices emerges when feelings and thoughts are experienced with awareness. I say ‘with awareness’ because many thoughts and feelings are instinctive, they happen before you know it. The task of every human being on the earth is to become consciously aware of every thought and feeling they have. If they don’t, the Universe will not evolve. Those who become aware of this carry a huge weight of responsibility.

Often, when human beings have feelings and thoughts in their soul they consider them to be private until they are expressed. This is the greatest misunderstanding in human life on the earth. Every feeling and thought is as real as if it were spoken to the person about whom we have the feeling or thought.

As I think this, I realize the full extent of the freedom human beings have to feel and think appropriately. So many people feel trapped in their lives, bound by circumstances that are not of their choosing – or so they think. Every event, no matter how small, was arranged by them before they incarnated. Every event, every encounter gives the opportunity to be in control of life. To experience the reality of this is to experience true freedom – freedom to think differently about life’s circumstances.

If human beings could work out how to be present in their souls, to be aware of the myriad of thoughts and feelings continually forming there, they would see how easy it is to change negative thoughts and feelings into a sensible assessment. This means that bad thoughts can become unbiased observations. These observations can lead to compassionate feelings for the other person’s struggle with their own destiny. In this way we claim our own freedom and assist others to become aware of theirs.

As these ideas light up in me I see the great struggle between the lower and Higher Self for all human beings living on the earth. While the focus remains on the body, the flesh and blood, the death forces have the upper hand. I say this because it warrants deep thought and it is helpful to build living imaginations about it. As I have said before, in death it is only our flesh and blood that ceases to exist; our souls and spirits are eternal.

It should be noted that being eternal does not mean that we are fully conscious. It is only as we become aware of our soul and spirit on the earth that we awaken to their eternal potential. As we increase our awareness of our soul and spirit, and they become active in our being while we live on the earth, we then become aware of the support given to us by the physical body. Now we see it in true perspective, not just as the entirety of our being. The three components begin to work together – body, soul and spirit – and not just for our own benefit but for the benefit of the entire Universe. If the soul and spirit are ignored, then freedom of thought and feeling cannot be experienced because they are bound to the body and its habits.

In my growing awareness I again see the significance of having a balanced view of human life. Not too much importance is placed on the body, or on the soul or on the spirit, all three must be given equal importance. For it is only when they work together that human beings can create light, light born of self-claimed freedom.

The strange thing that happens when this level of development is achieved is the silence. As I said before, inspiration coming from awareness is like the silent in-breath and out-breath. When we reach this level we don’t speak about our experiences, we don’t give advice to others; we simply dwell in our awareness and enfold all those with whom we come in contact. They feel our embrace and we can trust in that, no acknowledgement is necessary. In this way we can live in the moment, aware of our own soul and spirit embracing the soul and spirit of the other. Then we can penetrate the boundless Universe, released from any constraints, and soar silently into the presence of the source of Universe. This is true prayer.

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I AM The Soul's Heartbeat: The Seven I AM Sayings in The Gospel of St John by [Kaine, Kristina]


“Kristina Kaine has distilled from the profound wisdom of masters and of her own considerable experience a guidebook of immense value in pursuing the pearl of great price, the name that no one knows except the one who receives it, the “I Am.” Every human soul stands in need of this name, and our world cries out for the ennoblement of those who make this quest. —Ed Smith, Author : The Burning Bush, The Soul’s Long Journey, David’s Question “What is Man?” Bible and Anthroposophy

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Reflections on the Seven I AM sayings in the Gospel of St John January – September 2003 – Always free

IAM1-001 I AM the Good Shepherd 5 – 24 June 2003

For this reason the Father loves me, because I lay down my life, that I may take it again. No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again; this charge I have received from my Father.” John 10:17f

These words speak about the ultimate sacrifice. To sacrifice our life … and to be able to sacrifice requires that you actually have something to sacrifice. This sacrifice is not that of a soldier fighting for his country, or a quasi-martyr suicide bomber. This is the shepherd giving his life for his sheep. This is about the gentle and good shepherd and the pure and innocent sheep.


John 20, Food for the I AM 1 Now on the first day of the week Mary Mag’dalene came to the tomb early, while it was still dark, and saw that the stone had been taken away from the tomb. 2 So she ran, and went to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one whom Jesus loved, and said to them, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we do not know where they have laid him.” 3 Peter then came out with the other disciple, and they went toward the tomb. 4 They both ran, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first; 5 and stooping to look in, he saw the linen cloths lying there, but he did not go in. 6 Then Simon Peter came, following him, and went into the tomb; he saw the linen cloths lying, 7 and the napkin, which had been on his head, not lying with the linen cloths but rolled up in a place by itself. 8 Then the other disciple, who reached the tomb first, also went in, and he saw and believed; 9 for as yet they did not know the scripture, that he must rise from the dead. 10 Then the disciples went back to their homes. John 20:1-10 RSV

We know that Christ had to die, but in many of the events surrounding his death choices were made. All through John 18 and 19 we see these choices, especially by Pilate and certainly by the Jews. When an event occurs without choice John writes “this was to fulfil the word”. With this in mind let’s have a look at the morning-after story when Mary and the two disciples visit the tomb. They make many choices.

Let’s say that Christ represents the I AM that must die. The Bible also tells us that a seed must die. A thoughtful person knows that a seed carries within it forces for the future. It is formed by a plant, it actually causes the plant’s death, then it rises again as a totally new plant (not cloned from the old one).


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Reflections of the Seven Christian Initiations in the Gospel of St John, September 2003 – May 2004

IAM2-001 The Mystical Death 2 – 9 May 2004 – We die to live

Read John 19:23- 42 After this Jesus, knowing that all was now finished, said (to fulfil the scripture), “I thirst.” A bowl full of vinegar stood there; so they put a sponge full of the vinegar on hyssop and held it to his mouth. When Jesus had received the vinegar, he said, “It is finished”; and he bowed his head and gave up his spirit. 19:28-30

When a person or a thing dies we are told that it no longer exists except as ashes or refuse. Close scrutiny reveals that the opposite is true.

Consider this text in John 12 And Jesus answered them, “The hour has come for the Son of man to be glorified. Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. John 12:23-24


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Reflections on the Eightfold Path of Buddha in the Gospel of St John, June 2004 – December 2004


Read John 5:22-30 The Father judges no one, but has given all judgment to the Son, that all may honor the Son, even as they honor the Father. He who does not honor the Son does not honor the Father who sent him. Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears my word and believes him who sent me, has eternal life; he does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life. John 5:22-24

As the Father is about the will, the Son is about thinking. Judging is no longer cosmically impelled; our judging now arises through our personal thinking. This thinking must be rigorous. A reason for errors of judgement is that thinking is not carried through to the end. It is so easy to jump off the train of thought prematurely. Early conclusions are so tempting, not to mention the time that they save. Lucifer always encourages us to take the easy way out.


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Reflections on the Twelve Disciples using the Gospel of St John, January – December 2005


Nathanael – Two – Imagining

Philip found Nathan’a-el, and said to him, “We have found him of whom Moses in the law and also the prophets wrote, Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.” Nathan’a-el said to him, “Can anything good come out of Nazareth?” Philip said to him, “Come and see.” Jesus saw Nathan’a-el coming to him, and said of him, “Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom is no guile!” Nathan’a-el said to him, “How do you know me?” Jesus answered him, “Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you.” Nathan’a-el answered him, “Rabbi, you are the Son of God! You are the King of Israel!” Jesus answered him, “Because I said to you, I saw you under the fig tree, do you believe? You shall see greater things than these.” And he said to him, “Truly, truly, I say to you, you will see heaven opened, and the angels of God ascending and descending upon the Son of man.” John 1:45-51

Nathanael represents one of the most misunderstood human abilities, our Imagination. In reality, Imagination extends our consciousness into another dimension. It is a spiritual faculty which does not rely on our physical brain nor does it have a mystical element. Through it we penetrate the veil which separates the physical and spiritual worlds. At this point our abstract thinking dissolves and we see into outer forms to the spiritual truth that sustains them. This can begin simply by looking at a plant or tree that droops towards the ground in a sad way, or a flower that lifts its head to smile at the sun. This imagining connects us in new ways with the outer world.


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Reflections on the Signs in the Gospel of St John, January – July 2006

Water to Wine – One – Changing Feeling into Thinking


On the third day there was a marriage at Cana in Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there; Jesus also was invited to the marriage, with his disciples. When the wine failed, the mother of Jesus said to him, “They have no wine.” And Jesus said to her, “O woman, what have you to do with me? My hour has not yet come.” His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.” Now six stone jars were standing there, for the Jewish rites of purification, each holding twenty or thirty gallons. Jesus said to them, “Fill the jars with water.” And they filled them up to the brim. He said to them, “Now draw some out, and take it to the steward of the feast.” So they took it. When the steward of the feast tasted the water now become wine, and did not know where it came from (though the servants who had drawn the water knew), the steward of the feast called the bridegroom and said to him, “Every man serves the good wine first; and when men have drunk freely, then the poor wine; but you have kept the good wine until now.” This, the first of his signs, Jesus did at Cana in Galilee, and manifested his glory; and his disciples believed in him. John 2:1-11

This series of Reflections will explore the so called signs in the Gospel of St John. These signs are also associated with miracles performed by Jesus after he was baptised by John the Baptist. If we take the life of Jesus as a blue print for our own spiritual development, we can use events such as these signs and miracles as a barometer of our progress.


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Reflections on the Nine Beatitudes using the Gospel of St John, August 2006 – March 2007


1.4 Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

We can look at each of the nine beatitudes in terms of the Christ-ening of the nine parts of our being; physical, etheric, astral and then the three soul and three spiritual regions. If we apply the first beatitude to our physical body we will find clues about how our I AM is enlivened in our body.

Our physical body is the most fully developed part of us. The physiology of the human being is a marvel. The way our skeleton, muscles and skin hold and protect our organs in a life giving way is truly wondrous.


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Reflections on the Book of Revelation, April 2007 – April 2010

SoulSecretPOD-001The revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave him to show to his servants what must soon take place; and he made it known by sending his angel to his servant John, who bore witness to the word of God and to the testimony of Jesus Christ, even to all that he saw. Blessed is he who reads aloud the words of the prophecy, and blessed are those who hear, and who keep what is written therein; for the time is near. Rev 1:1-3

We can read and contemplate the bible in many ways. We should certainly take notice of the literal meaning of its stories. This becomes a most difficult task when we read the Revelation to John. The imagery is shocking, mystifying and bizarre, especially when we place it outside ourselves. It more closely resembles our dream life rather than our waking life.


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Reflections on Who is Jesus, What is Christ? May 2010 – October 2016


The Bible can only be fully understood when we have a detailed knowledge of the makeup of the human being. We can only have this understanding through our own personal experience of ourselves which we have applied and tested in our own lives throughout the day. When we are able to experience that we are beings of body, soul and spirit we then come to the point of experiencing ourselves as beings of soul and spirit which occupy our body much like we would occupy a car to transport us here and there.

If we can grasp this truth and actually have a personal experience of it, we can then approach the possibility of our soul and spirit entering repeatedly into different bodies at different times in history. This could be compared to upgrading the model of our car from time to time. There is a passage in the Bible that could support this idea of reincarnation. When the Jews heard that John the Baptist was baptising they sent their representatives to question him about who he was; Christ, Elijah, or the prophet?

And this is the testimony of John, when the Jews sent priests and Levites from Jerusalem to ask him, “Who are you?” He confessed, he did not deny, but confessed, “I am not the Christ.” And they asked him, “What then? Are you Elijah?” He said, “I am not.” “Are you the prophet?” And he answered, “No.” They said to him then, “Who are you? Let us have an answer for those who sent us. What do you say about yourself?” Jn 1:19-22

Why would they choose Elijah from all the possibilities? Furthermore, they knew that Elijah was long dead? It is possible that they recognised traits of Elijah’s in the Baptist or perhaps they had the spiritual vision to see who had been in the past. So if he was Elijah in a past life why didn’t he affirm this? To answer this question fully we need to consider in some detail how and why we enter into different bodies at different times throughout history.


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To Journey Back November 2016 ongoing

This is the story about a man who has just died. In the afterlife he is tracing the life he has just lived backwards. It is a life review, step by step, from the moment of the last breath back to the moment of the first breath, to re-experience every thought, feeling, and action and interaction he had through his life.

He remains connected with his close friends and, as he sees what they are doing in the days after his death, he understands more deeply the relationship he had with them. He also sees all the activity surrounding his death, which he was not aware of when he was alive.
More and more people who have had a near death experience are reporting that this is the experience we all have when we die. At some point in their after-life experience they decided to come back and continue living their current life. We have much to learn from them, not only for when we die, but for how we can live our lives on this earth more meaningfully.

If we can have a real experience of what happens when we die it will assist us to meet the end of our own life with more awareness. Our journey forward will then be a great contribution to human evolution. I hope you enjoy this journey.

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