Kristina writes a weekly reflection which places the esoteric teachings into daily life. They are thought provoking and pertinent to 21st Century living. They focus on how we can express our I AM, our True Self, more fully in daily situations.

To Journey Back 127

During my life on the earth I noticed that one of the most difficult things for people to embrace was timeliness. It wasn’t so much about seeing what needed to be done, but rather deciding when was the right time to do it. Often there was an impulse to rush the most significant things, while the simplest things were delayed. This led me to think about more deeply about how timeliness is approached. Immediately I saw the forces of resistance, the hordes of Luciferic and Ahrimanic beings working behind the scenes to interrupt human activity. On the earth they distract us, making it difficult to act in a timely manner. When the Ahrimanic beings have influence, things take place sooner than they should; the influence of the Luciferic beings can be identified when things take place later than they should.

It is important to understand the basic activity of these beings because in recognizing their activity human beings have the opportunity to shift into the middle zone, causing these forces of resistance to lose their power. They are easily recognizable in human behavior, for instance, because the Luciferic beings want human beings to forget about the earth and seek the spiritual and the nebulous. The Ahrimanic beings want to bind people to the earth and inspire them to be coldly intellectual.

The interesting thing is that if these two groups of beings can be held in balance we can arrive at timeliness. Standing in the tension between the two we encounter the wisdom of the Universe. Therefore we can say that either one alone has no value but when held in balance, like the fulcrum of a scale, they are most valuable. This balance is needed for evolution to move forward, and all energies and forces, including the anti-forces, are necessary for this to take place. What stands out for me at this point is the lack of patience to discover the point of balance.

The next thing that comes to my attention is that evolution has reached a point of openness. It is time for human beings on the earth to understand the mysteries that have only been available to secret brotherhoods. I see that many have tried to reveal these secrets too early and been punished or killed for doing so. Understandably, now they are reluctant to speak of this mystery knowledge because of a subconscious fear created by the consequences of doing so in a past life. There are also others who want to prematurely speak of half formed ideas. Then there are those who maintain that the secret mysteries must never be revealed.

The ones who can recognize these activities are those who stand at the fulcrum of evolution. They see both sides of the scale and hold fast to the central position. This has many unseen advantages because the beings who seek to weigh the scale down on either side don’t want their activity to be recognized. When they are exposed they lose power. This exposure then contributes to the balanced momentum of evolution which they seek to disrupt.

This biggest quandary for human beings on the earth is to be able to decide when activity is timely. One of the interesting things about timeliness is that when we have the ability to free ourselves from predicting when the time will be right, then we will know when to act. We learn how to remain in the cycle of activity until we get a sense that it is time to rest in our accomplishment. We can liken this to the growth of a plant, to the cycle from seed to new seed.

As each person comes into their own experience of being an individual, personally responsible for their development, one of the hardest things to overcome is the advice from others. Each person must come to recognize their own timeliness. This is an integral part of this stage in our evolution. As I have previously said, we have been guided for so long by heavenly beings, now we must guide ourselves through our connection with our Higher Self. Seeking or accepting the opinions of others means we reject our Higher Self.

Once we step into our own timeliness also means that we can attract the criticism of others. They think we are out of step with them. This is part of becoming individual, walking at our own pace and respecting the pace of others. This is part of the new community we are all called to participate in. As we take up our own pace, any criticism can be sustained though our connection with our Higher Self. It is only when we fail to connect with our Higher Self that we become annoyed with those around us who seem to be holding us back. Love, respect, and compassion are called for at this time of great change.

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I AM The Soul's Heartbeat: The Seven I AM Sayings in The Gospel of St John by [Kaine, Kristina]

To Journey Back 128

The continuing journey of a deceased person looking back through their life in reverse.

I can see the many difficulties associated with becoming personally responsible for our own development. The transition from the comfort of decisions being made for us by higher beings to taking responsibility for our own personal decisions can be daunting. At this stage of evolution we have to base our decisions on limited information because we have not reached the stage of being able to fully see all the aspects – not just from this life but also from past lives.

One of the greatest problems is the lack of conscious awareness of how karma works. Karma is like a deep wound surrounded by dense scar tissue. It lies dormant until a situation arises that follows the pattern of the original wound. The wound opens as if it has just been inflicted and we have the opportunity to decide how to act all over again. Perhaps this time we will respond in a higher way, a more conscious way.

Blaming other people for the pain we experience creates a storm of emotions on both sides. Learning to be the observer rather than the responder is the only way forward. Observing, with understanding for all facets of the situation, is the way the Higher Self responds to any situation.

The Higher Self is like the parent of the many karmic situations we carry with us into each life we live. We can view karma as the children, each one with its own personality and its own destiny. Some children are easy to parent, others can be challenging. Some elements of karma can be so challenging that they lead us astray, preventing us from achieving our purpose. Of course, if we meet the most difficult challenges calmly we take great steps forward in our development. This means that our Higher Self has achieved the goals it set out before we entered into incarnation.

What we don’t realize is that if we are not able to resolve karma while we live on the earth it will be bound to us when we die and we will have to try to resolve it again in the next life. This, of course, holds our development back. If human beings could see this from my perspective they would be alarmed. Finding ways to resolve differences with others during life on earth is a simple task compared to the consequences of living with these differences after we die. Human destiny will be presented to us again and again until we are completely relaxed about it. It is not about experiencing the difficulties but about the task of becoming neutral about every aspect of them.

We can forgive someone initially only to find that another aspect of the karma presents itself that we are unable to forgive. It is as if we have to be tested on many sides of a karmic situation to make sure that we have restored the necessary balance. Never forgetting that each time we create karma we cause a lack of balance somewhere in the Universe which the spiritual hierarchies work to restore.

Karma is a debt to the universe, but at the same time it is an opportunity for human evolvement. The debt actually enables the opportunity. If the opportunity is not taken up, the interest rate on the debt increases.

As I work through these facets of karma I again realize the importance for each human being on the earth to understand fully the implications of living repeated lives on the earth. And this can only be done on the earth while in a physical body. At the same time we can come to an understanding of the real purpose of pain. Pain in one life leads to a higher stage of development in the next life. Yet how often do human beings reject pain?

Not only do they reject pain, the extent to which they experience pain they then seek to inflict this pain on others. In this way pain loses its purpose. Pain is something to be experienced silently, within us, and this experience we then carry through the gate of death. In the spiritual worlds the cause of this pain becomes evident and we see its true value as the impetus to evolve to a higher stage of human evolution. Bearing pain with grace gives us the opportunity to inspire others to do the same.

At the heart of this is the process of forgiveness. If we see that our pain has a purpose why would we not forgive the person who caused us to experience pain? When we forgive we send from us the attachment to the other person’s actions and we value our pain as a lesson for our progress. It is like a child learning to walk, without the pain of falling the child would make no effort to maintain their balance to avoid falling over. If a life is hard, the one who persists in the face of challenges prepares for what could be termed as a resurrection in the next life.

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“Kristina Kaine has distilled from the profound wisdom of masters and of her own considerable experience a guidebook of immense value in pursuing the pearl of great price, the name that no one knows except the one who receives it, the “I Am.” Every human soul stands in need of this name, and our world cries out for the ennoblement of those who make this quest. —Ed Smith, Author : The Burning Bush, The Soul’s Long Journey, David’s Question “What is Man?” Bible and Anthroposophy

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Reflections on the Seven I AM sayings in the Gospel of St John January – September 2003

IAM1-001 I AM the Good Shepherd 5 – 24 June 2003

For this reason the Father loves me, because I lay down my life, that I may take it again. No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again; this charge I have received from my Father.” John 10:17f

These words speak about the ultimate sacrifice. To sacrifice our life … and to be able to sacrifice requires that you actually have something to sacrifice. This sacrifice is not that of a soldier fighting for his country, or a quasi-martyr suicide bomber. This is the shepherd giving his life for his sheep. This is about the gentle and good shepherd and the pure and innocent sheep.


John 20, Food for the I AM 1 Now on the first day of the week Mary Mag’dalene came to the tomb early, while it was still dark, and saw that the stone had been taken away from the tomb. 2 So she ran, and went to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one whom Jesus loved, and said to them, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we do not know where they have laid him.” 3 Peter then came out with the other disciple, and they went toward the tomb. 4 They both ran, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first; 5 and stooping to look in, he saw the linen cloths lying there, but he did not go in. 6 Then Simon Peter came, following him, and went into the tomb; he saw the linen cloths lying, 7 and the napkin, which had been on his head, not lying with the linen cloths but rolled up in a place by itself. 8 Then the other disciple, who reached the tomb first, also went in, and he saw and believed; 9 for as yet they did not know the scripture, that he must rise from the dead. 10 Then the disciples went back to their homes. John 20:1-10 RSV

We know that Christ had to die, but in many of the events surrounding his death choices were made. All through John 18 and 19 we see these choices, especially by Pilate and certainly by the Jews. When an event occurs without choice John writes “this was to fulfil the word”. With this in mind let’s have a look at the morning-after story when Mary and the two disciples visit the tomb. They make many choices.

Let’s say that Christ represents the I AM that must die. The Bible also tells us that a seed must die. A thoughtful person knows that a seed carries within it forces for the future. It is formed by a plant, it actually causes the plant’s death, then it rises again as a totally new plant (not cloned from the old one).


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Reflections of the Seven Christian Initiations in the Gospel of St John, September 2003 – May 2004

IAM2-001 The Mystical Death 2 – 9 May 2004 – We die to live

Read John 19:23- 42 After this Jesus, knowing that all was now finished, said (to fulfil the scripture), “I thirst.” A bowl full of vinegar stood there; so they put a sponge full of the vinegar on hyssop and held it to his mouth. When Jesus had received the vinegar, he said, “It is finished”; and he bowed his head and gave up his spirit. 19:28-30

When a person or a thing dies we are told that it no longer exists except as ashes or refuse. Close scrutiny reveals that the opposite is true.

Consider this text in John 12 And Jesus answered them, “The hour has come for the Son of man to be glorified. Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. John 12:23-24


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Reflections on the Eightfold Path of Buddha in the Gospel of St John, June 2004 – December 2004


Read John 5:22-30 The Father judges no one, but has given all judgment to the Son, that all may honor the Son, even as they honor the Father. He who does not honor the Son does not honor the Father who sent him. Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears my word and believes him who sent me, has eternal life; he does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life. John 5:22-24

As the Father is about the will, the Son is about thinking. Judging is no longer cosmically impelled; our judging now arises through our personal thinking. This thinking must be rigorous. A reason for errors of judgement is that thinking is not carried through to the end. It is so easy to jump off the train of thought prematurely. Early conclusions are so tempting, not to mention the time that they save. Lucifer always encourages us to take the easy way out.


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Reflections on the Twelve Disciples using the Gospel of St John, January – December 2005


Nathanael – Two – Imagining

Philip found Nathan’a-el, and said to him, “We have found him of whom Moses in the law and also the prophets wrote, Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.” Nathan’a-el said to him, “Can anything good come out of Nazareth?” Philip said to him, “Come and see.” Jesus saw Nathan’a-el coming to him, and said of him, “Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom is no guile!” Nathan’a-el said to him, “How do you know me?” Jesus answered him, “Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you.” Nathan’a-el answered him, “Rabbi, you are the Son of God! You are the King of Israel!” Jesus answered him, “Because I said to you, I saw you under the fig tree, do you believe? You shall see greater things than these.” And he said to him, “Truly, truly, I say to you, you will see heaven opened, and the angels of God ascending and descending upon the Son of man.” John 1:45-51

Nathanael represents one of the most misunderstood human abilities, our Imagination. In reality, Imagination extends our consciousness into another dimension. It is a spiritual faculty which does not rely on our physical brain nor does it have a mystical element. Through it we penetrate the veil which separates the physical and spiritual worlds. At this point our abstract thinking dissolves and we see into outer forms to the spiritual truth that sustains them. This can begin simply by looking at a plant or tree that droops towards the ground in a sad way, or a flower that lifts its head to smile at the sun. This imagining connects us in new ways with the outer world.


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Reflections on the Signs in the Gospel of St John, January – July 2006

Water to Wine – One – Changing Feeling into Thinking


On the third day there was a marriage at Cana in Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there; Jesus also was invited to the marriage, with his disciples. When the wine failed, the mother of Jesus said to him, “They have no wine.” And Jesus said to her, “O woman, what have you to do with me? My hour has not yet come.” His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.” Now six stone jars were standing there, for the Jewish rites of purification, each holding twenty or thirty gallons. Jesus said to them, “Fill the jars with water.” And they filled them up to the brim. He said to them, “Now draw some out, and take it to the steward of the feast.” So they took it. When the steward of the feast tasted the water now become wine, and did not know where it came from (though the servants who had drawn the water knew), the steward of the feast called the bridegroom and said to him, “Every man serves the good wine first; and when men have drunk freely, then the poor wine; but you have kept the good wine until now.” This, the first of his signs, Jesus did at Cana in Galilee, and manifested his glory; and his disciples believed in him. John 2:1-11

This series of Reflections will explore the so called signs in the Gospel of St John. These signs are also associated with miracles performed by Jesus after he was baptised by John the Baptist. If we take the life of Jesus as a blue print for our own spiritual development, we can use events such as these signs and miracles as a barometer of our progress.


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Reflections on the Nine Beatitudes using the Gospel of St John, August 2006 – March 2007


1.4 Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

We can look at each of the nine beatitudes in terms of the Christ-ening of the nine parts of our being; physical, etheric, astral and then the three soul and three spiritual regions. If we apply the first beatitude to our physical body we will find clues about how our I AM is enlivened in our body.

Our physical body is the most fully developed part of us. The physiology of the human being is a marvel. The way our skeleton, muscles and skin hold and protect our organs in a life giving way is truly wondrous.


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Reflections on the Book of Revelation, April 2007 – April 2010

SoulSecretPOD-001The revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave him to show to his servants what must soon take place; and he made it known by sending his angel to his servant John, who bore witness to the word of God and to the testimony of Jesus Christ, even to all that he saw. Blessed is he who reads aloud the words of the prophecy, and blessed are those who hear, and who keep what is written therein; for the time is near. Rev 1:1-3

We can read and contemplate the bible in many ways. We should certainly take notice of the literal meaning of its stories. This becomes a most difficult task when we read the Revelation to John. The imagery is shocking, mystifying and bizarre, especially when we place it outside ourselves. It more closely resembles our dream life rather than our waking life.


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Reflections on Who is Jesus, What is Christ? May 2010 – October 2016


The Bible can only be fully understood when we have a detailed knowledge of the makeup of the human being. We can only have this understanding through our own personal experience of ourselves which we have applied and tested in our own lives throughout the day. When we are able to experience that we are beings of body, soul and spirit we then come to the point of experiencing ourselves as beings of soul and spirit which occupy our body much like we would occupy a car to transport us here and there.

If we can grasp this truth and actually have a personal experience of it, we can then approach the possibility of our soul and spirit entering repeatedly into different bodies at different times in history. This could be compared to upgrading the model of our car from time to time. There is a passage in the Bible that could support this idea of reincarnation. When the Jews heard that John the Baptist was baptising they sent their representatives to question him about who he was; Christ, Elijah, or the prophet?

And this is the testimony of John, when the Jews sent priests and Levites from Jerusalem to ask him, “Who are you?” He confessed, he did not deny, but confessed, “I am not the Christ.” And they asked him, “What then? Are you Elijah?” He said, “I am not.” “Are you the prophet?” And he answered, “No.” They said to him then, “Who are you? Let us have an answer for those who sent us. What do you say about yourself?” Jn 1:19-22

Why would they choose Elijah from all the possibilities? Furthermore, they knew that Elijah was long dead? It is possible that they recognised traits of Elijah’s in the Baptist or perhaps they had the spiritual vision to see who had been in the past. So if he was Elijah in a past life why didn’t he affirm this? To answer this question fully we need to consider in some detail how and why we enter into different bodies at different times throughout history.


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To Journey Back November 2016 ongoing

This is the story about a man who has just died. In the afterlife he is tracing the life he has just lived backwards. It is a life review, step by step, from the moment of the last breath back to the moment of the first breath, to re-experience every thought, feeling, and action and interaction he had through his life.

He remains connected with his close friends and, as he sees what they are doing in the days after his death, he understands more deeply the relationship he had with them. He also sees all the activity surrounding his death, which he was not aware of when he was alive.
More and more people who have had a near death experience are reporting that this is the experience we all have when we die. At some point in their after-life experience they decided to come back and continue living their current life. We have much to learn from them, not only for when we die, but for how we can live our lives on this earth more meaningfully.

If we can have a real experience of what happens when we die it will assist us to meet the end of our own life with more awareness. Our journey forward will then be a great contribution to human evolution. I hope you enjoy this journey.

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