Kristina writes a weekly reflection which places the esoteric teachings into daily life. They are thought provoking and pertinent to 21st Century living. They focus on how we can express our I AM, our True Self, more fully in daily situations.

To Journey Back 80

The continuing journey of a deceased person looking back through their life in reverse.

Throughout my life I tried to shed new light on the general understanding of life. Things are not always as they seem and many people only look on the surface. This is like looking at a pond and only seeing the sky reflected in it. What lies underneath goes unnoticed.

I was able to look into the pond and I tried to explain what I saw whenever the opportunity arose. Often I met with resistance because many people find thinking painful, they prefer to rest in familiar thoughts. It is as if they move through life like a blind person, tapping their stick on the ground to ensure nothing unexpected blocks their path.

Human development will not progress on these grounds. This path of safety will lead nowhere. Why do human beings feel so content with repetition, going around in circles? Why don’t they observe life more closely and see that while repetition has its place, it is replaced by progress when ideas move to higher expressions?

To resist progress is to deny the human mind its purpose. Understanding things differently is the only way the human race moves forward. As I consider this from my present position, I am able to look back on the evolution of humanity. I see quite clearly how human beings developed the ability to think. At first they were given thoughts, wise thoughts, by those beings guiding evolution. Then gradually they were encouraged to have their own thoughts, to work things out for themselves.

Now I see that a stage has been reached where people need to think their own thoughts, acquire their own intelligence. However, because of this reliance on pre-prepared thoughts, which are no longer available, many people look to others to see what they think. Then, when they encounter different thoughts, as they did with me, they resist them. I could see how I shocked them; threatening to destroy their own thoughts and making them feel very insecure. This is where the urge to put people back in their place comes from.

The whole point of incarnating on the earth is to develop our ability to think independently. This requires a vibrant life-force, that life-giving force which sustains the life of all that is physical. If human beings ignore this force they shrivel up and lose their ability to think for themselves. In turn, this hampers the progress of all humanity.

We have reached the stage now where we can use our minds outside the confines of our brain. In fact, the human brain does not really think, it simply receives thoughts as a mirror receives a reflection. Most human beings are unaware of this, but when they do become aware, they realise that they can engage with the thoughts before they become a reflection. While this is similar to the way thoughts were given to them earlier in evolution, now thoughts are the outcome of their own effort.

Let me recap, it is tricky to understand. Initially human beings were not required to think, all thoughts were given to them by the various beings in charge of evolution. Gradually human beings were given the opportunity to learn to think for themselves which involved storing memories. These memories were stored in that part of the body referred to as the life-force, or the etheric body. This etheric body can be compared to the plant world, which as we know, remembers its pattern of growth as it emerges again and again from its seed.

Now the stage has been reached where ideas do not rely on past memory patterns. This thinking takes place outside the brain again, but now as personal inspiration. These thoughts remain in the ether and we connect with them there instead of in the brain – we can call this brain-free thinking. This, in turn, relies on each person’s ability to express the thoughts in a way that makes sense to those around them. This thought activity requires a very agile mind to catch the thoughts before they settle in the brain. Once they settle in the brain they die, they become lifeless, like leaves falling from a tree.

The sign that process is being mastered – at first in small steps – is the degree of objectivity people have. It is when thoughts settle in the brain and are committed to memory that people become subjective and selfish. This selfishness comes from laziness to think new thoughts. The only way to entertain new thoughts is learning to keep them mobile, to keep them in the air and always active. Once they settle ‘on the ground’ it can be hard to launch them into the air again.

When this is done with success judgment is set aside. Judgment arises when a new thought is compared with a thought stored in memory. If thoughts are mobile and airborne, a new thought can fly around with other thoughts and new insights will come. Those who manage to do this will be more forgiving, and more open to observing objectively. They will also have the ability to entertain things they previously disagreed with. In this way human beings embrace many new possibilities while facilitating the kind of freedom the future depends on.

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To Journey Back 81

As I thought about freedom I saw that while it was sought after, the taste of it often left people feeling uneasy. Human beings usually felt more secure when confined to known boundaries. While the true nature of freedom is barely understood, the possibility of it should be explored and embraced.

I wondered about this for a moment, thinking about my past life where I showed many people about this possibility of freedom. Frequently when I claimed my freedom it wasn’t received well. Although towards the end of my life when people were more used to my unusual behavior, these acts of freedom were celebrated. It always takes one person, a pioneer, to show others what is possible.

I did know that we cannot understand the true nature of freedom until we understand our own true nature. The best approach is to understand the soul’s activity. It sits between the body and the spirit as a communicator. It is the place where feeling, thinking and will emerge. I say emerge because these three faculties work in both an inner and outer way. Feeling is associated with sensations from the outer world as much as it is about inner emotions. What the senses meet in the outer world will be remembered if an emotion is associated with it, say, when we see a beautiful sunrise. What the sun does during the day is hardly noticed, it is just there.

For the most part the soul operates automatically according to habits we form over our lifetime. However, beneath the surface its behavior is influenced by events from past lives. This is not understood to the extent that it needs to be. If this was more front of mind when we deal with life’s difficulties we would be much more peaceful, and we would step into the ‘interested observer’ role much more easily.

The rudimentary behavior of the soul can be compared with that of a young animal familiarizing itself with its environment. If it is startled, it bucks around rather than quietly observing the cause of the disturbance as its mother does. We can identify this animal behavior as the astral* nature which can work in two ways. It can be instinctive or it can develop a higher starry view of the world. *(relating to the stars)

Each human being has the purpose of humanizing this astral nature, of allowing the influence of the Higher Self to transform it from the friskiness of the young animal to a elevated view of a situation. We could liken this to the elevated vision of the eagle and wisdom of the owl.

As I consider this in detail I see how simple it is, while at the same time recognizing how hard it is to put into practice. The reason being that unconscious past life experiences in the depths of the soul do a lot of bucking to get attention. The soul itself can also buck when the Higher Self overrides it. Not only that, when those around us manage to allow their Higher Self to overshadow their astral nature, we can buck against them, preferring them to stay the way they were.

However simply I try to describe the activity of the soul I want to stress that these three areas of behavior, feeling, thinking and will, do not have to be mastered in an instant, in fact that is not possible. Recognizing how they work in our lives is a good start. In this way we become patient with ourselves, and patient with others, thus avoiding many misunderstandings.

The other thing that stands out for me now is the way human beings living on the earth see physical things as lifeless even though evidence to the contrary stares at them. This may have served a purpose for a while, but now a stage has been reached in our evolution where we must see that the physical appearance of everything around us is simply a cloak to make what is spiritual visible. I know I have mentioned this before but it presses on me to bring it to your attention again.

A stone is not just something that can be kicked around, or thrown around; it’s spiritual presence cries out to be seen. Just as human beings don’t like to be ignored, is it appropriate to diminish a stone in this way?

What will happen to the earth if its spiritual nature is not recognized? Ever greater difficulties will arise to urge people to open their eyes to see reality. Not in a nebulous mystical way, but in a very practical way in the events of daily life. There is an urgency to see through the outer manifestations of things and events to discover the spiritual purpose crying out to be noticed.

The greater the disturbance, the greater the need to understand the true nature of peace. This does not mean asking difficulties to be removed, but rather for each person to create inner peace. Unless each person works out how to be peaceful, this ability will no longer be available, the consequences of which do not bear consideration.

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I AM The Soul's Heartbeat: The Seven I AM Sayings in The Gospel of St John by [Kaine, Kristina]


“Kristina Kaine has distilled from the profound wisdom of masters and of her own considerable experience a guidebook of immense value in pursuing the pearl of great price, the name that no one knows except the one who receives it, the “I Am.” Every human soul stands in need of this name, and our world cries out for the ennoblement of those who make this quest. —Ed Smith, Author : The Burning Bush, The Soul’s Long Journey, David’s Question “What is Man?” Bible and Anthroposophy

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Reflections on the Seven I AM sayings in the Gospel of St John January – September 2003

IAM1-001 I AM the Good Shepherd 5 – 24 June 2003

For this reason the Father loves me, because I lay down my life, that I may take it again. No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again; this charge I have received from my Father.” John 10:17f

These words speak about the ultimate sacrifice. To sacrifice our life … and to be able to sacrifice requires that you actually have something to sacrifice. This sacrifice is not that of a soldier fighting for his country, or a quasi-martyr suicide bomber. This is the shepherd giving his life for his sheep. This is about the gentle and good shepherd and the pure and innocent sheep.


John 20, Food for the I AM 1 Now on the first day of the week Mary Mag’dalene came to the tomb early, while it was still dark, and saw that the stone had been taken away from the tomb. 2 So she ran, and went to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one whom Jesus loved, and said to them, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we do not know where they have laid him.” 3 Peter then came out with the other disciple, and they went toward the tomb. 4 They both ran, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first; 5 and stooping to look in, he saw the linen cloths lying there, but he did not go in. 6 Then Simon Peter came, following him, and went into the tomb; he saw the linen cloths lying, 7 and the napkin, which had been on his head, not lying with the linen cloths but rolled up in a place by itself. 8 Then the other disciple, who reached the tomb first, also went in, and he saw and believed; 9 for as yet they did not know the scripture, that he must rise from the dead. 10 Then the disciples went back to their homes. John 20:1-10 RSV

We know that Christ had to die, but in many of the events surrounding his death choices were made. All through John 18 and 19 we see these choices, especially by Pilate and certainly by the Jews. When an event occurs without choice John writes “this was to fulfil the word”. With this in mind let’s have a look at the morning-after story when Mary and the two disciples visit the tomb. They make many choices.

Let’s say that Christ represents the I AM that must die. The Bible also tells us that a seed must die. A thoughtful person knows that a seed carries within it forces for the future. It is formed by a plant, it actually causes the plant’s death, then it rises again as a totally new plant (not cloned from the old one).


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Reflections of the Seven Christian Initiations in the Gospel of St John, September 2003 – May 2004

IAM2-001 The Mystical Death 2 – 9 May 2004 – We die to live

Read John 19:23- 42 After this Jesus, knowing that all was now finished, said (to fulfil the scripture), “I thirst.” A bowl full of vinegar stood there; so they put a sponge full of the vinegar on hyssop and held it to his mouth. When Jesus had received the vinegar, he said, “It is finished”; and he bowed his head and gave up his spirit. 19:28-30

When a person or a thing dies we are told that it no longer exists except as ashes or refuse. Close scrutiny reveals that the opposite is true.

Consider this text in John 12 And Jesus answered them, “The hour has come for the Son of man to be glorified. Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. John 12:23-24


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Reflections on the Eightfold Path of Buddha in the Gospel of St John, June 2004 – December 2004


Read John 5:22-30 The Father judges no one, but has given all judgment to the Son, that all may honor the Son, even as they honor the Father. He who does not honor the Son does not honor the Father who sent him. Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears my word and believes him who sent me, has eternal life; he does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life. John 5:22-24

As the Father is about the will, the Son is about thinking. Judging is no longer cosmically impelled; our judging now arises through our personal thinking. This thinking must be rigorous. A reason for errors of judgement is that thinking is not carried through to the end. It is so easy to jump off the train of thought prematurely. Early conclusions are so tempting, not to mention the time that they save. Lucifer always encourages us to take the easy way out.


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Reflections on the Twelve Disciples using the Gospel of St John, January – December 2005


Nathanael – Two – Imagining

Philip found Nathan’a-el, and said to him, “We have found him of whom Moses in the law and also the prophets wrote, Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.” Nathan’a-el said to him, “Can anything good come out of Nazareth?” Philip said to him, “Come and see.” Jesus saw Nathan’a-el coming to him, and said of him, “Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom is no guile!” Nathan’a-el said to him, “How do you know me?” Jesus answered him, “Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you.” Nathan’a-el answered him, “Rabbi, you are the Son of God! You are the King of Israel!” Jesus answered him, “Because I said to you, I saw you under the fig tree, do you believe? You shall see greater things than these.” And he said to him, “Truly, truly, I say to you, you will see heaven opened, and the angels of God ascending and descending upon the Son of man.” John 1:45-51

Nathanael represents one of the most misunderstood human abilities, our Imagination. In reality, Imagination extends our consciousness into another dimension. It is a spiritual faculty which does not rely on our physical brain nor does it have a mystical element. Through it we penetrate the veil which separates the physical and spiritual worlds. At this point our abstract thinking dissolves and we see into outer forms to the spiritual truth that sustains them. This can begin simply by looking at a plant or tree that droops towards the ground in a sad way, or a flower that lifts its head to smile at the sun. This imagining connects us in new ways with the outer world.


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Reflections on the Signs in the Gospel of St John, January – July 2006

Water to Wine – One – Changing Feeling into Thinking


On the third day there was a marriage at Cana in Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there; Jesus also was invited to the marriage, with his disciples. When the wine failed, the mother of Jesus said to him, “They have no wine.” And Jesus said to her, “O woman, what have you to do with me? My hour has not yet come.” His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.” Now six stone jars were standing there, for the Jewish rites of purification, each holding twenty or thirty gallons. Jesus said to them, “Fill the jars with water.” And they filled them up to the brim. He said to them, “Now draw some out, and take it to the steward of the feast.” So they took it. When the steward of the feast tasted the water now become wine, and did not know where it came from (though the servants who had drawn the water knew), the steward of the feast called the bridegroom and said to him, “Every man serves the good wine first; and when men have drunk freely, then the poor wine; but you have kept the good wine until now.” This, the first of his signs, Jesus did at Cana in Galilee, and manifested his glory; and his disciples believed in him. John 2:1-11

This series of Reflections will explore the so called signs in the Gospel of St John. These signs are also associated with miracles performed by Jesus after he was baptised by John the Baptist. If we take the life of Jesus as a blue print for our own spiritual development, we can use events such as these signs and miracles as a barometer of our progress.


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Reflections on the Nine Beatitudes using the Gospel of St John, August 2006 – March 2007


1.4 Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

We can look at each of the nine beatitudes in terms of the Christ-ening of the nine parts of our being; physical, etheric, astral and then the three soul and three spiritual regions. If we apply the first beatitude to our physical body we will find clues about how our I AM is enlivened in our body.

Our physical body is the most fully developed part of us. The physiology of the human being is a marvel. The way our skeleton, muscles and skin hold and protect our organs in a life giving way is truly wondrous.


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Reflections on the Book of Revelation, April 2007 – April 2010

SoulSecretPOD-001The revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave him to show to his servants what must soon take place; and he made it known by sending his angel to his servant John, who bore witness to the word of God and to the testimony of Jesus Christ, even to all that he saw. Blessed is he who reads aloud the words of the prophecy, and blessed are those who hear, and who keep what is written therein; for the time is near. Rev 1:1-3

We can read and contemplate the bible in many ways. We should certainly take notice of the literal meaning of its stories. This becomes a most difficult task when we read the Revelation to John. The imagery is shocking, mystifying and bizarre, especially when we place it outside ourselves. It more closely resembles our dream life rather than our waking life.


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Reflections on Who is Jesus, What is Christ? May 2010 – October 2016


The Bible can only be fully understood when we have a detailed knowledge of the makeup of the human being. We can only have this understanding through our own personal experience of ourselves which we have applied and tested in our own lives throughout the day. When we are able to experience that we are beings of body, soul and spirit we then come to the point of experiencing ourselves as beings of soul and spirit which occupy our body much like we would occupy a car to transport us here and there.

If we can grasp this truth and actually have a personal experience of it, we can then approach the possibility of our soul and spirit entering repeatedly into different bodies at different times in history. This could be compared to upgrading the model of our car from time to time. There is a passage in the Bible that could support this idea of reincarnation. When the Jews heard that John the Baptist was baptising they sent their representatives to question him about who he was; Christ, Elijah, or the prophet?

And this is the testimony of John, when the Jews sent priests and Levites from Jerusalem to ask him, “Who are you?” He confessed, he did not deny, but confessed, “I am not the Christ.” And they asked him, “What then? Are you Elijah?” He said, “I am not.” “Are you the prophet?” And he answered, “No.” They said to him then, “Who are you? Let us have an answer for those who sent us. What do you say about yourself?” Jn 1:19-22

Why would they choose Elijah from all the possibilities? Furthermore, they knew that Elijah was long dead? It is possible that they recognised traits of Elijah’s in the Baptist or perhaps they had the spiritual vision to see who had been in the past. So if he was Elijah in a past life why didn’t he affirm this? To answer this question fully we need to consider in some detail how and why we enter into different bodies at different times throughout history.


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