Kristina writes a weekly reflection which places the esoteric teachings into daily life. They are thought provoking and pertinent to 21st Century living. They focus on how we can express our I AM, our True Self, more fully in daily situations.

To Journey Back 54

The continuing journey of a deceased person looking back through their life in reverse.

When we die we are not always aware of everything in our surroundings. We have to get used to becoming aware of things that no longer have physical form. When I say “things” I mean beings because everything has beingness – even on the earth.

In this place where physical forms do not exist, everything is intertwined. The only way I can think to explain it is to imagine a number of pots of boiling water from which different colored steam rises. As the steam rises the colors mingle, sometimes keeping their own color, sometimes melding together to create a new color.

Only those who are highly conscious can see all this, mostly people see only a few of the colors, and sadly, some people see none. This is why I keep stressing the importance of becoming consciously aware throughout life, always looking beyond the first thing that is seen for another aspect to explain things. It can be as simple as looking at a plant and imaging its growth force streaming up – like weaving cloth – pulling and shaping its physical form behind it.

Awareness of many aspects of a situation prepares us for a rich life after death. As I review my life I see how many people were quick to label things as evil when what appears to be evil is actually the precursor for something beneficial to occur. What they don’t realize is that their confident assessment of the situation actually limits their freedom.

The most important thing for each human being to experience is their freedom. This is not as easy as it sounds because everywhere there are the forces of manipulation. In the simplest ways we can influence another person for our own benefit. As I think this I wonder if I did it during my life. Were there times when I wanted a certain outcome and manipulated the situation so that my friends helped me achieve my intended result? On the surface it appeared to be the result of their actions, but in truth, I was the precursor.

These small details stand before us after death in all their various aspects and we must see them for what they are. Not only that but we must also experience them as others experienced them. Our motive to manipulate a situation can hit us like a gust of wind, the strength of the wind is in accordance with the strength of our motive. If we continue to work on our awareness throughout our life, by the time we die we will have the strength to withstand the gusts caused earlier in our life when we were less aware.

I am filled with sadness as I see the extent to which people allow themselves to be manipulated. We can’t just blame the perpetrators; those who allowed themselves to be influenced are equally to blame. At the heart of this activity is the lure of power. Everyone wants to be powerful but unfortunately they think the source of power comes from outside them.

This yearning for power is a very important part of being human. It is the motivator for life. At first we are like a child who grasps for whatever it sees, putting it in their mouth, and then spitting it out when it feels unpleasant. Gradually the child learns to differentiate between what can be eaten and what has a different purpose. It is the same with this yearning for power – although some people never differentiate between true power and manipulated power.

The true power we seek can only be found in our higher self from which the impetus to search for power comes. Unfortunately many people swallow the first taste of power and think they have made it. They need to spit that out and continue the search.

By becoming aware of all the manipulations taking place in our lives, by seeing the ways in which we, and others, seek power, we become more confident. This is a quiet confidence that keeps fear in the background, fear that is necessary for life but should not overwhelm us.

We can objectively observe these manipulations taking place in our family and in our communities. This is not so that we can judge the manipulators or the manipulated, but to use these events like steps on a ladder leading to an experience of our higher self. In our awareness, we are filled with deep compassion for those who are yet to see the real purpose behind the attraction of power.

There is another aspect to this which isn’t always realized; only when we see something does it exist. This is a great mystery which only reveals itself gradually. If we apply this principle to the compassion we feel for others as our awareness increases, this compassion becomes palpable for them as well, enabling them to take another step on the ladder to their higher self. In this way we selflessly enable each other.

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To Journey Back: From Death to Life

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To Journey Back 55

Step by step I enter more deeply into my life after death. It is interesting to think of these two words ‘life’ and ‘death’. Entering into life on earth means that we die to our spiritual life, and death on earth means we are born into spiritual life. During life on earth we have the opportunity to experience these two states as wakefulness and sleep. When we sleep we are dead to the world because part of our being returns to its spiritual state. This is the part of us giving us conscious awareness of life on earth.

Increasingly, as human beings become more aware, death and sleep will no longer be different states of consciousness. Our awareness will no longer be interrupted by these states we call life and death. Why have we had to go through the state of being unaware? Simply because each human being has to earn the right to merge these two states of consciousness into one. To do this means to remember everything; every thought, feeling and action in the current life, as well as every other life ever lived. This takes courage and strength.

The testing ground for this courage is life on the earth. We clothe ourselves in a physical form to separate ourselves from everything; it is as if we have put ourselves in a closed room without windows and doors. Our task in life is to work out how to find these and open them so that we have greater perspective. It is not so much about actually opening the windows and doors as it is about becoming aware of them and attempting to open them.

I think about some of the ways in which I discovered these windows and doors. For me it happened very early in my life as I became aware of the needs of the people around me. I sensed that when people needed something they actually hid their need. This was so counterproductive because it made it harder for others to become aware of their need. Whenever we ignore other people’s needs, the windows and doors of perception remain closed. It doesn’t help when they also conceal them.

Contemplating the depth of this situation revealed the difficultly of the task each of us faces when we enter physical life. Perception is a multifaceted process. It is not about being psychic, which is like looking through a window obscured by bushes. The kind of perception we will develop is astute awareness of everyone’s thoughts, feelings and motives. When we first get a taste of this we know how our own thoughts affect others. We see how the smallest judgement of another person not only imprisons them, it also imprisons us.

Becoming aware of the needs of others starts with awareness of our own shortcomings. I think of my relationship with my friends during this life just passed – actually, we have been together in many previous lives which explains the strong bond between us. The strength of our relationship meant that we could be very honest with each other. There was no need to be guarded as so many people are in their relationships. They see this as protection when in fact it continually separates them from their friends and family. The relationship my friends had with each other meant that if one of us was searching for insight, another one of us could share our understanding openly without fear of reprisal.

I thought about all the souls who were imprisoned after death because of their own inability to reach out to others in honesty. My heart went out to them as I saw how they put up barriers preventing them from not only seeing the needs of those around them but hiding their own needs. This led to a strong yearning to be free of this impasse thinking that life after death, when they were in ‘heaven’, would bring some relief, when all the while the freedom they yearned for was only to be found in life on earth.

Deep grief overcame me as I saw the consequences of ignoring the opportunities of life on the earth. Every human being has needs, not one human being is exempt from that. In this way we stand together as equals. When we have the courage to see our weaknesses objectively, the shapes of the windows and doors become visible. The important thing here is to focus on the windows and doors not on the reason why we can see them. This is painful and we can be easily distracted. Not that we should feel gratified by pain but use it as a steppingstone to awareness – that is the purpose of pain.

This is why we need communities like the one I had with my friends. To remain isolated and disconnected has consequences for all the lives we have yet to live, both in our bodies and out of them. As I think about this, I wonder what advice I can give to those who are just beginning to open up. It is not the big things in life but the many small things that seem the least important that connect us with each other.

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Volume 2 will be available soon



“Kristina Kaine has distilled from the profound wisdom of masters and of her own considerable experience a guidebook of immense value in pursuing the pearl of great price, the name that no one knows except the one who receives it, the “I Am.” Every human soul stands in need of this name, and our world cries out for the ennoblement of those who make this quest. —Ed Smith, Author : The Burning Bush, The Soul’s Long Journey, David’s Question “What is Man?” Bible and Anthroposophy

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Reflections on the Seven I AM sayings in the Gospel of St John January – September 2003

IAM1-001 I AM the Good Shepherd 5 – 24 June 2003

For this reason the Father loves me, because I lay down my life, that I may take it again. No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again; this charge I have received from my Father.” John 10:17f

These words speak about the ultimate sacrifice. To sacrifice our life … and to be able to sacrifice requires that you actually have something to sacrifice. This sacrifice is not that of a soldier fighting for his country, or a quasi-martyr suicide bomber. This is the shepherd giving his life for his sheep. This is about the gentle and good shepherd and the pure and innocent sheep.


John 20, Food for the I AM 1 Now on the first day of the week Mary Mag’dalene came to the tomb early, while it was still dark, and saw that the stone had been taken away from the tomb. 2 So she ran, and went to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one whom Jesus loved, and said to them, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we do not know where they have laid him.” 3 Peter then came out with the other disciple, and they went toward the tomb. 4 They both ran, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first; 5 and stooping to look in, he saw the linen cloths lying there, but he did not go in. 6 Then Simon Peter came, following him, and went into the tomb; he saw the linen cloths lying, 7 and the napkin, which had been on his head, not lying with the linen cloths but rolled up in a place by itself. 8 Then the other disciple, who reached the tomb first, also went in, and he saw and believed; 9 for as yet they did not know the scripture, that he must rise from the dead. 10 Then the disciples went back to their homes. John 20:1-10 RSV

We know that Christ had to die, but in many of the events surrounding his death choices were made. All through John 18 and 19 we see these choices, especially by Pilate and certainly by the Jews. When an event occurs without choice John writes “this was to fulfil the word”. With this in mind let’s have a look at the morning-after story when Mary and the two disciples visit the tomb. They make many choices.

Let’s say that Christ represents the I AM that must die. The Bible also tells us that a seed must die. A thoughtful person knows that a seed carries within it forces for the future. It is formed by a plant, it actually causes the plant’s death, then it rises again as a totally new plant (not cloned from the old one).


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Reflections of the Seven Christian Initiations in the Gospel of St John, September 2003 – May 2004

IAM2-001 The Mystical Death 2 – 9 May 2004 – We die to live

Read John 19:23- 42 After this Jesus, knowing that all was now finished, said (to fulfil the scripture), “I thirst.” A bowl full of vinegar stood there; so they put a sponge full of the vinegar on hyssop and held it to his mouth. When Jesus had received the vinegar, he said, “It is finished”; and he bowed his head and gave up his spirit. 19:28-30

When a person or a thing dies we are told that it no longer exists except as ashes or refuse. Close scrutiny reveals that the opposite is true.

Consider this text in John 12 And Jesus answered them, “The hour has come for the Son of man to be glorified. Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. John 12:23-24


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Reflections on the Eightfold Path of Buddha in the Gospel of St John, June 2004 – December 2004


Read John 5:22-30 The Father judges no one, but has given all judgment to the Son, that all may honor the Son, even as they honor the Father. He who does not honor the Son does not honor the Father who sent him. Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears my word and believes him who sent me, has eternal life; he does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life. John 5:22-24

As the Father is about the will, the Son is about thinking. Judging is no longer cosmically impelled; our judging now arises through our personal thinking. This thinking must be rigorous. A reason for errors of judgement is that thinking is not carried through to the end. It is so easy to jump off the train of thought prematurely. Early conclusions are so tempting, not to mention the time that they save. Lucifer always encourages us to take the easy way out.


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Reflections on the Twelve Disciples using the Gospel of St John, January – December 2005


Nathanael – Two – Imagining

Philip found Nathan’a-el, and said to him, “We have found him of whom Moses in the law and also the prophets wrote, Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.” Nathan’a-el said to him, “Can anything good come out of Nazareth?” Philip said to him, “Come and see.” Jesus saw Nathan’a-el coming to him, and said of him, “Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom is no guile!” Nathan’a-el said to him, “How do you know me?” Jesus answered him, “Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you.” Nathan’a-el answered him, “Rabbi, you are the Son of God! You are the King of Israel!” Jesus answered him, “Because I said to you, I saw you under the fig tree, do you believe? You shall see greater things than these.” And he said to him, “Truly, truly, I say to you, you will see heaven opened, and the angels of God ascending and descending upon the Son of man.” John 1:45-51

Nathanael represents one of the most misunderstood human abilities, our Imagination. In reality, Imagination extends our consciousness into another dimension. It is a spiritual faculty which does not rely on our physical brain nor does it have a mystical element. Through it we penetrate the veil which separates the physical and spiritual worlds. At this point our abstract thinking dissolves and we see into outer forms to the spiritual truth that sustains them. This can begin simply by looking at a plant or tree that droops towards the ground in a sad way, or a flower that lifts its head to smile at the sun. This imagining connects us in new ways with the outer world.


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Reflections on the Signs in the Gospel of St John, January – July 2006

Water to Wine – One – Changing Feeling into Thinking


On the third day there was a marriage at Cana in Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there; Jesus also was invited to the marriage, with his disciples. When the wine failed, the mother of Jesus said to him, “They have no wine.” And Jesus said to her, “O woman, what have you to do with me? My hour has not yet come.” His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.” Now six stone jars were standing there, for the Jewish rites of purification, each holding twenty or thirty gallons. Jesus said to them, “Fill the jars with water.” And they filled them up to the brim. He said to them, “Now draw some out, and take it to the steward of the feast.” So they took it. When the steward of the feast tasted the water now become wine, and did not know where it came from (though the servants who had drawn the water knew), the steward of the feast called the bridegroom and said to him, “Every man serves the good wine first; and when men have drunk freely, then the poor wine; but you have kept the good wine until now.” This, the first of his signs, Jesus did at Cana in Galilee, and manifested his glory; and his disciples believed in him. John 2:1-11

This series of Reflections will explore the so called signs in the Gospel of St John. These signs are also associated with miracles performed by Jesus after he was baptised by John the Baptist. If we take the life of Jesus as a blue print for our own spiritual development, we can use events such as these signs and miracles as a barometer of our progress.


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Reflections on the Nine Beatitudes using the Gospel of St John, August 2006 – March 2007


1.4 Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

We can look at each of the nine beatitudes in terms of the Christ-ening of the nine parts of our being; physical, etheric, astral and then the three soul and three spiritual regions. If we apply the first beatitude to our physical body we will find clues about how our I AM is enlivened in our body.

Our physical body is the most fully developed part of us. The physiology of the human being is a marvel. The way our skeleton, muscles and skin hold and protect our organs in a life giving way is truly wondrous.


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Reflections on the Book of Revelation, April 2007 – April 2010

SoulSecretPOD-001The revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave him to show to his servants what must soon take place; and he made it known by sending his angel to his servant John, who bore witness to the word of God and to the testimony of Jesus Christ, even to all that he saw. Blessed is he who reads aloud the words of the prophecy, and blessed are those who hear, and who keep what is written therein; for the time is near. Rev 1:1-3

We can read and contemplate the bible in many ways. We should certainly take notice of the literal meaning of its stories. This becomes a most difficult task when we read the Revelation to John. The imagery is shocking, mystifying and bizarre, especially when we place it outside ourselves. It more closely resembles our dream life rather than our waking life.


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Reflections on Who is Jesus, What is Christ? May 2010 – October 2016


The Bible can only be fully understood when we have a detailed knowledge of the makeup of the human being. We can only have this understanding through our own personal experience of ourselves which we have applied and tested in our own lives throughout the day. When we are able to experience that we are beings of body, soul and spirit we then come to the point of experiencing ourselves as beings of soul and spirit which occupy our body much like we would occupy a car to transport us here and there.

If we can grasp this truth and actually have a personal experience of it, we can then approach the possibility of our soul and spirit entering repeatedly into different bodies at different times in history. This could be compared to upgrading the model of our car from time to time. There is a passage in the Bible that could support this idea of reincarnation. When the Jews heard that John the Baptist was baptising they sent their representatives to question him about who he was; Christ, Elijah, or the prophet?

And this is the testimony of John, when the Jews sent priests and Levites from Jerusalem to ask him, “Who are you?” He confessed, he did not deny, but confessed, “I am not the Christ.” And they asked him, “What then? Are you Elijah?” He said, “I am not.” “Are you the prophet?” And he answered, “No.” They said to him then, “Who are you? Let us have an answer for those who sent us. What do you say about yourself?” Jn 1:19-22

Why would they choose Elijah from all the possibilities? Furthermore, they knew that Elijah was long dead? It is possible that they recognised traits of Elijah’s in the Baptist or perhaps they had the spiritual vision to see who had been in the past. So if he was Elijah in a past life why didn’t he affirm this? To answer this question fully we need to consider in some detail how and why we enter into different bodies at different times throughout history.


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