Kristina writes a weekly reflection which places the esoteric teachings into daily life. They are thought provoking and pertinent to 21st Century living. They focus on how we can express our I AM, our True Self, more fully in daily situations.

To Journey Back 114

The continuing journey of a deceased person looking back through their life in reverse.

What stands out for me now is that people do not listen. They shut out anything that challenges their ideas, even if their ideas are wrong. It is very clear to me in this moment how necessary it is to remain open to all ideas. The inability to listen to others severs our relationship with them and it doesn’t take much for them to become the ‘enemy’.

As I follow this train of thought I realize how necessary it is for people to have living relationships with each other. I see how impersonal relationships are, and how this gives rise to rejection, especially rejection of those with different ideas. I also see how things would change if people realized that every idea is an aspect of truth, and if all these ideas are combined then truth has a greater chance of revealing itself. This is like looking down on the earth from a distance; half of it is in darkness, the other half is in light depending on the proximity of the sun. Those on the earth in darkness swear that it is night, those in light swear that it is day. They are both speaking about the same earth the only difference is its relationship to the sun.

This is a good way to regard truth. We cannot say a thing is true because it feels right, nor can we say that it is true because it is written somewhere, or even if someone we respect says that a thing is true. We can only know the truth if we personally discover it for ourselves. If we do this with care and determination, we will come to see the earth as it is dark and light at the same time.

This process of listening to all aspects opens up the human soul so that the Higher Self can speak to it. Then each human being who is able to do this will begin to see that life on the earth isn’t all there is, they become open to the spiritual worlds. This is the night and day of human life.

I see how earthly life is deteriorating, the earth has served its purpose, and the time has come to awaken to the spiritual life that we all experience between earthly incarnations. I keep stressing this because unless we factor in our spiritual life we have no idea who we truly are. Until we become aware of our Higher Self we live our life in a partial state of awareness. When we become aware of our true being we become aware of the eternal life that we are living. In the awareness of the lives we have lived thus far, we get a sense of the lives we will live in the future to achieve the aims of the universe. Until this happens we are blind, when we begin to understand it our eyes begin to open.

It takes a lot of strength to become aware of the blindness in ourselves, as well as in those around us. As our eyes open there is a strong instinct to try and assist others to open their eyes. If anything, this will only result in them closing their eyes more tightly. The only option is to live life with our awakening awareness, and by being a living example, hope to inspire others to see and hear more than they have in the past.

I never underestimated the power of hope. I always hoped that my friends saw the ways in which I interacted with others throughout my life. I wanted to be the example which would inspire them to step forward with courage. I also saw how those who did begin to see were often cast aside. When people get stuck in the past they become unsettled when others begin to express something new, something of the future.

The Higher Self can be very unsettling. Apart from being more aware of the uniformed behavior of those around us, we have to see the earth itself in the right light. It gives human beings the ability to connect with the Higher Self, while at the same time realizing that we can’t depend on the earth for our further development. It is as if human beings have to find a way to release themselves from the gravity of the earth and the best place to begin is in thinking. If human beings can think through the ideas that I am expressing here they will come to a point of openness and trust. This openness assists them to see more options and hear ideas that will lead them forward.

Believing this is the first step. In this belief the truth will reveal itself, gradually at first so that it is manageable. The belief in self slowly becomes belief in others. The increased awareness gives the ability to judge situations, not to condemn but to sustain the belief that every human being has the ability to stand in the Higher Self.

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To Journey Back 115

The Holy Nights begin on December 24, and I will be writing new contemplations. You can buy a copy of the contemplations written between 2011 and 2016 on Amazon.

As I think about the difficulty of listening, and the challenges of being blind, I realize that when we live on the earth we are hardly aware of the scale of evolution. We need a birds-eye view of the journey human beings have made over the centuries; furthermore, we can only see the detail of this view when we have expanded our own consciousness.

Expanding human consciousness is the reason for living on the earth. For it is on the earth that each human being can act in freedom. What does this really mean I wonder? In this moment, an image of the human being as body, soul and spirit stands before me. The body is so physical and so present, attracting the most attention. On closer examination, I see a softer form holding and supporting the shape of the body, this is the etheric body. Then I see an even finer energy called the astral or starry body. These three sustain the connection with the soul and spirit, and support a healthy physical life on earth.

As I dive into this image, I see the extent to which many human beings are unaware of their soul and spirit. Here lies the cause of not being able to hear and see truth. New possibilities are rejected in favour of clinging onto the past and what is already known. This is like forgetting to untie the horse at the beginning of a journey.

Why is it that human beings feel more comfortable with limited knowledge? Why are they satisfied to know only a small part of a matter? Why can’t they realize that knowing something doesn’t mean knowing everything. This is like letting the horse take a few steps and then tying it up again. Understanding the full extent of the journey gives us the opportunity to reach our destination. This strikes at the heart of why evolution is ignored. Furthermore, as we considered earlier, human beings influence evolution through the level of their understanding.

This is cause for alarm, because if human beings do not take on the task of being open to the continuing development of the world, and of their own consciousness, evolution may not continue, or it may take a backwards step, or, dare I say, cease.

Putting this in simple terms, it is only on the earth that human beings progress, and this happens only when they become conscious of the interaction of their body, soul, and spirit while they live on the earth. If they do not become conscious of each part of their being, that part can atrophy. A good example of this is a plant that is dying, a sign of its depleting life-force – it’s etheric – and we see that, eventually, it becomes wooden. The same thing happens to the human etheric body that is not energized by a developing consciousness. When new ideas are rejected the etheric body becomes lethargic and eventually wooden.

In turn, the astral body loses its connection with the physical-etheric that lives on the earth that, in turn, hampers the soul from becoming spiritually aware. If the soul has little or no spiritual awareness then the spirit has nothing with which to connect.

The only way to stop this deterioration is to be open to new ideas and insights. This means to conquer any fears that arise when comfortable ideas are challenged, and to let new insights sit within us as we test their validity. It also means to be careful about having opinions because they are often one-sided.

When my friends and I talked long into the night about everything we experienced during the day, I would point this out to them. It serves no purpose to be judgemental of those with limited ideas, but we can begin to understand that consciousness evolves. Originally, human beings were fully immersed in the cosmos; there was no separation between them and their environment. Everything was spiritual and they lived in a passive state with no sense of self, no thinking, and no freedom. When the sense of self was born, with it came the experience of separation and personal ideas. Now we are moving back to a state of unity with the spirit through our experience of the Higher Self, no longer in a passive state but more consciously. We only achieve this level of consciousness through thinking and experiencing true freedom.

Each time I visit these truths I see them more vividly. It occurs to me that with my ability to see the current state of humanity on the earth, and to compare it with future possibilities, I am assisting evolution to move forward. This is something every human being can do. By not feeling defeated by this task, which can seem impossible at times, every human being can create imaginations of what it will be like when individual human beings co-operate with each other respectfully, lovingly, and with purpose. Then they will no longer be blind to the spiritual foundations of the earth, and they will hear the truth and experience true, self-born freedom.

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I AM The Soul's Heartbeat: The Seven I AM Sayings in The Gospel of St John by [Kaine, Kristina]


“Kristina Kaine has distilled from the profound wisdom of masters and of her own considerable experience a guidebook of immense value in pursuing the pearl of great price, the name that no one knows except the one who receives it, the “I Am.” Every human soul stands in need of this name, and our world cries out for the ennoblement of those who make this quest. —Ed Smith, Author : The Burning Bush, The Soul’s Long Journey, David’s Question “What is Man?” Bible and Anthroposophy

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Reflections on the Seven I AM sayings in the Gospel of St John January – September 2003

IAM1-001 I AM the Good Shepherd 5 – 24 June 2003

For this reason the Father loves me, because I lay down my life, that I may take it again. No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again; this charge I have received from my Father.” John 10:17f

These words speak about the ultimate sacrifice. To sacrifice our life … and to be able to sacrifice requires that you actually have something to sacrifice. This sacrifice is not that of a soldier fighting for his country, or a quasi-martyr suicide bomber. This is the shepherd giving his life for his sheep. This is about the gentle and good shepherd and the pure and innocent sheep.


John 20, Food for the I AM 1 Now on the first day of the week Mary Mag’dalene came to the tomb early, while it was still dark, and saw that the stone had been taken away from the tomb. 2 So she ran, and went to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one whom Jesus loved, and said to them, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we do not know where they have laid him.” 3 Peter then came out with the other disciple, and they went toward the tomb. 4 They both ran, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first; 5 and stooping to look in, he saw the linen cloths lying there, but he did not go in. 6 Then Simon Peter came, following him, and went into the tomb; he saw the linen cloths lying, 7 and the napkin, which had been on his head, not lying with the linen cloths but rolled up in a place by itself. 8 Then the other disciple, who reached the tomb first, also went in, and he saw and believed; 9 for as yet they did not know the scripture, that he must rise from the dead. 10 Then the disciples went back to their homes. John 20:1-10 RSV

We know that Christ had to die, but in many of the events surrounding his death choices were made. All through John 18 and 19 we see these choices, especially by Pilate and certainly by the Jews. When an event occurs without choice John writes “this was to fulfil the word”. With this in mind let’s have a look at the morning-after story when Mary and the two disciples visit the tomb. They make many choices.

Let’s say that Christ represents the I AM that must die. The Bible also tells us that a seed must die. A thoughtful person knows that a seed carries within it forces for the future. It is formed by a plant, it actually causes the plant’s death, then it rises again as a totally new plant (not cloned from the old one).


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Reflections of the Seven Christian Initiations in the Gospel of St John, September 2003 – May 2004

IAM2-001 The Mystical Death 2 – 9 May 2004 – We die to live

Read John 19:23- 42 After this Jesus, knowing that all was now finished, said (to fulfil the scripture), “I thirst.” A bowl full of vinegar stood there; so they put a sponge full of the vinegar on hyssop and held it to his mouth. When Jesus had received the vinegar, he said, “It is finished”; and he bowed his head and gave up his spirit. 19:28-30

When a person or a thing dies we are told that it no longer exists except as ashes or refuse. Close scrutiny reveals that the opposite is true.

Consider this text in John 12 And Jesus answered them, “The hour has come for the Son of man to be glorified. Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. John 12:23-24


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Reflections on the Eightfold Path of Buddha in the Gospel of St John, June 2004 – December 2004


Read John 5:22-30 The Father judges no one, but has given all judgment to the Son, that all may honor the Son, even as they honor the Father. He who does not honor the Son does not honor the Father who sent him. Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears my word and believes him who sent me, has eternal life; he does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life. John 5:22-24

As the Father is about the will, the Son is about thinking. Judging is no longer cosmically impelled; our judging now arises through our personal thinking. This thinking must be rigorous. A reason for errors of judgement is that thinking is not carried through to the end. It is so easy to jump off the train of thought prematurely. Early conclusions are so tempting, not to mention the time that they save. Lucifer always encourages us to take the easy way out.


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Reflections on the Twelve Disciples using the Gospel of St John, January – December 2005


Nathanael – Two – Imagining

Philip found Nathan’a-el, and said to him, “We have found him of whom Moses in the law and also the prophets wrote, Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.” Nathan’a-el said to him, “Can anything good come out of Nazareth?” Philip said to him, “Come and see.” Jesus saw Nathan’a-el coming to him, and said of him, “Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom is no guile!” Nathan’a-el said to him, “How do you know me?” Jesus answered him, “Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you.” Nathan’a-el answered him, “Rabbi, you are the Son of God! You are the King of Israel!” Jesus answered him, “Because I said to you, I saw you under the fig tree, do you believe? You shall see greater things than these.” And he said to him, “Truly, truly, I say to you, you will see heaven opened, and the angels of God ascending and descending upon the Son of man.” John 1:45-51

Nathanael represents one of the most misunderstood human abilities, our Imagination. In reality, Imagination extends our consciousness into another dimension. It is a spiritual faculty which does not rely on our physical brain nor does it have a mystical element. Through it we penetrate the veil which separates the physical and spiritual worlds. At this point our abstract thinking dissolves and we see into outer forms to the spiritual truth that sustains them. This can begin simply by looking at a plant or tree that droops towards the ground in a sad way, or a flower that lifts its head to smile at the sun. This imagining connects us in new ways with the outer world.


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Reflections on the Signs in the Gospel of St John, January – July 2006

Water to Wine – One – Changing Feeling into Thinking


On the third day there was a marriage at Cana in Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there; Jesus also was invited to the marriage, with his disciples. When the wine failed, the mother of Jesus said to him, “They have no wine.” And Jesus said to her, “O woman, what have you to do with me? My hour has not yet come.” His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.” Now six stone jars were standing there, for the Jewish rites of purification, each holding twenty or thirty gallons. Jesus said to them, “Fill the jars with water.” And they filled them up to the brim. He said to them, “Now draw some out, and take it to the steward of the feast.” So they took it. When the steward of the feast tasted the water now become wine, and did not know where it came from (though the servants who had drawn the water knew), the steward of the feast called the bridegroom and said to him, “Every man serves the good wine first; and when men have drunk freely, then the poor wine; but you have kept the good wine until now.” This, the first of his signs, Jesus did at Cana in Galilee, and manifested his glory; and his disciples believed in him. John 2:1-11

This series of Reflections will explore the so called signs in the Gospel of St John. These signs are also associated with miracles performed by Jesus after he was baptised by John the Baptist. If we take the life of Jesus as a blue print for our own spiritual development, we can use events such as these signs and miracles as a barometer of our progress.


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Reflections on the Nine Beatitudes using the Gospel of St John, August 2006 – March 2007


1.4 Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

We can look at each of the nine beatitudes in terms of the Christ-ening of the nine parts of our being; physical, etheric, astral and then the three soul and three spiritual regions. If we apply the first beatitude to our physical body we will find clues about how our I AM is enlivened in our body.

Our physical body is the most fully developed part of us. The physiology of the human being is a marvel. The way our skeleton, muscles and skin hold and protect our organs in a life giving way is truly wondrous.


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Reflections on the Book of Revelation, April 2007 – April 2010

SoulSecretPOD-001The revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave him to show to his servants what must soon take place; and he made it known by sending his angel to his servant John, who bore witness to the word of God and to the testimony of Jesus Christ, even to all that he saw. Blessed is he who reads aloud the words of the prophecy, and blessed are those who hear, and who keep what is written therein; for the time is near. Rev 1:1-3

We can read and contemplate the bible in many ways. We should certainly take notice of the literal meaning of its stories. This becomes a most difficult task when we read the Revelation to John. The imagery is shocking, mystifying and bizarre, especially when we place it outside ourselves. It more closely resembles our dream life rather than our waking life.


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Reflections on Who is Jesus, What is Christ? May 2010 – October 2016


The Bible can only be fully understood when we have a detailed knowledge of the makeup of the human being. We can only have this understanding through our own personal experience of ourselves which we have applied and tested in our own lives throughout the day. When we are able to experience that we are beings of body, soul and spirit we then come to the point of experiencing ourselves as beings of soul and spirit which occupy our body much like we would occupy a car to transport us here and there.

If we can grasp this truth and actually have a personal experience of it, we can then approach the possibility of our soul and spirit entering repeatedly into different bodies at different times in history. This could be compared to upgrading the model of our car from time to time. There is a passage in the Bible that could support this idea of reincarnation. When the Jews heard that John the Baptist was baptising they sent their representatives to question him about who he was; Christ, Elijah, or the prophet?

And this is the testimony of John, when the Jews sent priests and Levites from Jerusalem to ask him, “Who are you?” He confessed, he did not deny, but confessed, “I am not the Christ.” And they asked him, “What then? Are you Elijah?” He said, “I am not.” “Are you the prophet?” And he answered, “No.” They said to him then, “Who are you? Let us have an answer for those who sent us. What do you say about yourself?” Jn 1:19-22

Why would they choose Elijah from all the possibilities? Furthermore, they knew that Elijah was long dead? It is possible that they recognised traits of Elijah’s in the Baptist or perhaps they had the spiritual vision to see who had been in the past. So if he was Elijah in a past life why didn’t he affirm this? To answer this question fully we need to consider in some detail how and why we enter into different bodies at different times throughout history.


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To Journey Back November 2016 ongoing

This is the story about a man who has just died. In the afterlife he is tracing the life he has just lived backwards. It is a life review, step by step, from the moment of the last breath back to the moment of the first breath, to re-experience every thought, feeling, and action and interaction he had through his life.

He remains connected with his close friends and, as he sees what they are doing in the days after his death, he understands more deeply the relationship he had with them. He also sees all the activity surrounding his death, which he was not aware of when he was alive.
More and more people who have had a near death experience are reporting that this is the experience we all have when we die. At some point in their after-life experience they decided to come back and continue living their current life. We have much to learn from them, not only for when we die, but for how we can live our lives on this earth more meaningfully.

If we can have a real experience of what happens when we die it will assist us to meet the end of our own life with more awareness. Our journey forward will then be a great contribution to human evolution. I hope you enjoy this journey.

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