Kristina writes a weekly reflection which places the esoteric teachings into daily life. They are thought provoking and pertinent to 21st Century living. They focus on how we can express our I AM, our True Self, more fully in daily situations.

To Journey Back 118

Epiphany blessings to all.

The continuing journey of a deceased person looking back through their life in reverse.

Life on earth is so very different to life in the spiritual worlds. On the earth we can feel like slaves, slaves to the ideas of others, slaves to society, and slaves to history. Anyone with new ideas struggles to express them without alienating themselves. When my friends and I discussed this we all agreed that every human being, deep down, yearns for the freedom to express their understanding of the world. Yet they feel more secure when enslaved by the general ideas that people agree on – even if they are not true.

Whenever we arrive at a new understanding that disagrees with another’s general understanding, there is no point trying to convince them to see things differently. People will only believe something that they have come to understand themselves. Whenever new ideas are put forward, deep down they would rather kill the person who expressed the new idea than change their mind. As I think these thoughts I see how true they are, yet human beings on the earth are unaware of how often they wish that the person with the new idea would disappear. Isn’t that like wishing someone was dead? Strangely, the person expressing the new ideas is the one who can fulfil their yearning for freedom.

Instead of wanting to kill the person who is challenging opinions, people need to kill their own opinions. Even if opinions are correct, remaining open to other ideas, continually testing them against the ideas we understand, only serves to strengthen understanding.

Immediately, I see that the closer we come to truth while living on the earth, the more we explore truth in the spiritual worlds. Then, in our next incarnation we have a much deeper understanding of the nature of the Universe. This innate understanding expresses itself in who we are and how we live life on the earth. We are then a living example of the highest expression of humanity. We don’t need to prove ourselves, we simply express ourselves as the spiritual being that we are. This is what evolution is.

I see that increasingly people are incarnating with the confidence that they are spiritual beings occupying a physical body rather than a physical body with a spirit somewhere. Knowing that this spiritual force within us is who we really are, changes the way we live our lives on the earth. It is through our will that we have a quiet confidence to be who we really are. This is like giving birth to ourselves, our true selves, and in this way we become creators – we could say creators of the Universe.

With this idea comes great responsibility. As we become aware of our responsibility to create we become painfully aware of the ways in which we can be destructive. Fortunately, our sense of the spiritual being we are assists us not to be too disappointed in our destructive thoughts, feelings, and actions. We can be comforted by the fact that we have reached the point where we are able to stand in our spiritual being instead of our physical being. When we stand in this position we no longer look for power outside ourselves, not even for God, we find God within us and know that we can make an enormous contribution to evolution.

It strikes me that this is an incredibly hard thing to do. Human beings have to find the strength to break through the bonds that bind them – and what matters most is finding the strength, not breaking the bonds.

As I look more closely at the barrier between the earth and the spiritual worlds I see that it is weakening. There will come a time when many human beings on the earth will experience their spiritual being and live their lives on the earth with greater purpose. When all the negative aspects I have just mentioned disappear, life will be very different. This does not mean there will not be challenges, for challenges are necessary for growth, they will just be different challenges. What I do see is that it is up to each human being to reach this point of understanding, and it doesn’t come easily. Only those who are determined to see their spiritual essence will see it.

These are the ones who stand in the flow of evolution and in doing so they see the power of love. Love is a strange experience; it has many aspects all leading to its peak experience. I see that it begins with self-love so that we begin to understand its power and then it develops through loving those close to us before it becomes a universal love. This must be the case so that we can handle the power of universal love. This love is rejected by many because it is so powerful. It is also mysterious. How can earthly human beings explain loving those who appear unlovable? Yet this is our path and we walk it with confidence when we truly love.

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To Journey Back 119

I continue to think about what it means to stand in our spiritual being. I see how hard this is on the earth because we are surrounded by physical things that disguise the spiritual force within them. We fail to see that the physicality is like a glove covering the true force lying within it. The time is coming when we will be able to slip off the glove and connect with the spiritual substance of everything in the world. We will see that it is the quality of the spiritual force that creates the outer manifestation. Until we are able to do this we sin.

This is the only sin we are guilty of because if we were able to see the spiritual substance of everything and everyone we would never treat things and people the way we do. There is only one way out of this situation and that is to begin working with our Higher Self. This doesn’t only mean that we have to express ourselves in higher ways, it also means that we need to stand up and take a higher view of things. It is like standing on top of a mountain and seeing the broader view; then we see everything in context. We might see something that alarms us but when seen in perspective the ultimate outcome is good.

The other side of this is that until we experience our Higher Self we are dead; dead first of all to the spiritual worlds and dead to our fellow human beings. To be dead means to be unconscious. Therefore if we are unconscious of the higher view of those around us, and we react to them when they displease us, we are dead. Of course, this is such an interesting point to consider because while we live on the earth we think we are alive. We will only be alive when we are able to consider the spiritual as well as the physical aspects of everything.

Until this happens we cannot see the truth. As the spiritual aspect of everything begins to unfold in our consciousness, and the truth dawns on us, we begin to have our first experience of true freedom. We also gain, by degrees, the confidence we yearn for that allows us to stand in the world as the being we know we are deep down.

There is a sense in every human being of not being good enough, and it is true, they are not. This is because unconsciously we know that we are more than we are, more than we comprehend. This causes inner discomfort, discomfort that niggles away to motivate us to move into the spiritual aspects of who we are. If we linger in our disappointment it will engulf us. It is like a trap whose teeth restrict our consciousness preventing us from discovering the truth.

We have to discover the force within us and around us. We can only see the force within us when we see it in the world around us. When we recognize the spirit within nature we can begin to uncover that kind of spirit within ourselves. It is called the etheric and it sustains our physical body just like nature sustains the physical earth. Without nature the earth becomes dust just as we do when we die and our etheric body departs. When we see the animals moving around we recognize our own animation without which we would be immobile. When we enter into the beauty around us we connect with our Higher Self, especially when what we see is not so beautiful at first.

As I contemplate these things I see how human beings give birth to themselves. They go through periods of gestation until the ripeness within them bursts forth and they become a new being – in this way they become self-born. At the same time I see how many people don’t nurture the life within them, as if they are afraid that they will give birth to something they don’t want.

This is how it is, I understand that. The fear that rises up within so many people leads them to question everything. This questioning comes from mistrust. Mistrust comes from misleading information from other people. If only everyone would learn to seek answers from within themselves. Within each human being is a kernel which if recognized will produce the Tree of Knowledge and the Tree of Life we hear about in the Garden of Eden.

Again I see this more clearly; until we see the truth of this while we live on the earth, we are dead and we sin. All that is needed is to push open the door and see a glimpse of the truth. Then every time we attempt to understand the spiritual aspects of life the door opens a little bit more. I also see how those who can’t open the door wide turn away, sadly. Hopefully, one day, they will realize that they must prove they have the strength to eventually push it open.

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I AM The Soul's Heartbeat: The Seven I AM Sayings in The Gospel of St John by [Kaine, Kristina]


“Kristina Kaine has distilled from the profound wisdom of masters and of her own considerable experience a guidebook of immense value in pursuing the pearl of great price, the name that no one knows except the one who receives it, the “I Am.” Every human soul stands in need of this name, and our world cries out for the ennoblement of those who make this quest. —Ed Smith, Author : The Burning Bush, The Soul’s Long Journey, David’s Question “What is Man?” Bible and Anthroposophy

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Reflections on the Seven I AM sayings in the Gospel of St John January – September 2003

IAM1-001 I AM the Good Shepherd 5 – 24 June 2003

For this reason the Father loves me, because I lay down my life, that I may take it again. No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again; this charge I have received from my Father.” John 10:17f

These words speak about the ultimate sacrifice. To sacrifice our life … and to be able to sacrifice requires that you actually have something to sacrifice. This sacrifice is not that of a soldier fighting for his country, or a quasi-martyr suicide bomber. This is the shepherd giving his life for his sheep. This is about the gentle and good shepherd and the pure and innocent sheep.


John 20, Food for the I AM 1 Now on the first day of the week Mary Mag’dalene came to the tomb early, while it was still dark, and saw that the stone had been taken away from the tomb. 2 So she ran, and went to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one whom Jesus loved, and said to them, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we do not know where they have laid him.” 3 Peter then came out with the other disciple, and they went toward the tomb. 4 They both ran, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first; 5 and stooping to look in, he saw the linen cloths lying there, but he did not go in. 6 Then Simon Peter came, following him, and went into the tomb; he saw the linen cloths lying, 7 and the napkin, which had been on his head, not lying with the linen cloths but rolled up in a place by itself. 8 Then the other disciple, who reached the tomb first, also went in, and he saw and believed; 9 for as yet they did not know the scripture, that he must rise from the dead. 10 Then the disciples went back to their homes. John 20:1-10 RSV

We know that Christ had to die, but in many of the events surrounding his death choices were made. All through John 18 and 19 we see these choices, especially by Pilate and certainly by the Jews. When an event occurs without choice John writes “this was to fulfil the word”. With this in mind let’s have a look at the morning-after story when Mary and the two disciples visit the tomb. They make many choices.

Let’s say that Christ represents the I AM that must die. The Bible also tells us that a seed must die. A thoughtful person knows that a seed carries within it forces for the future. It is formed by a plant, it actually causes the plant’s death, then it rises again as a totally new plant (not cloned from the old one).


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Reflections of the Seven Christian Initiations in the Gospel of St John, September 2003 – May 2004

IAM2-001 The Mystical Death 2 – 9 May 2004 – We die to live

Read John 19:23- 42 After this Jesus, knowing that all was now finished, said (to fulfil the scripture), “I thirst.” A bowl full of vinegar stood there; so they put a sponge full of the vinegar on hyssop and held it to his mouth. When Jesus had received the vinegar, he said, “It is finished”; and he bowed his head and gave up his spirit. 19:28-30

When a person or a thing dies we are told that it no longer exists except as ashes or refuse. Close scrutiny reveals that the opposite is true.

Consider this text in John 12 And Jesus answered them, “The hour has come for the Son of man to be glorified. Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. John 12:23-24


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Reflections on the Eightfold Path of Buddha in the Gospel of St John, June 2004 – December 2004


Read John 5:22-30 The Father judges no one, but has given all judgment to the Son, that all may honor the Son, even as they honor the Father. He who does not honor the Son does not honor the Father who sent him. Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears my word and believes him who sent me, has eternal life; he does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life. John 5:22-24

As the Father is about the will, the Son is about thinking. Judging is no longer cosmically impelled; our judging now arises through our personal thinking. This thinking must be rigorous. A reason for errors of judgement is that thinking is not carried through to the end. It is so easy to jump off the train of thought prematurely. Early conclusions are so tempting, not to mention the time that they save. Lucifer always encourages us to take the easy way out.


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Reflections on the Twelve Disciples using the Gospel of St John, January – December 2005


Nathanael – Two – Imagining

Philip found Nathan’a-el, and said to him, “We have found him of whom Moses in the law and also the prophets wrote, Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.” Nathan’a-el said to him, “Can anything good come out of Nazareth?” Philip said to him, “Come and see.” Jesus saw Nathan’a-el coming to him, and said of him, “Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom is no guile!” Nathan’a-el said to him, “How do you know me?” Jesus answered him, “Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you.” Nathan’a-el answered him, “Rabbi, you are the Son of God! You are the King of Israel!” Jesus answered him, “Because I said to you, I saw you under the fig tree, do you believe? You shall see greater things than these.” And he said to him, “Truly, truly, I say to you, you will see heaven opened, and the angels of God ascending and descending upon the Son of man.” John 1:45-51

Nathanael represents one of the most misunderstood human abilities, our Imagination. In reality, Imagination extends our consciousness into another dimension. It is a spiritual faculty which does not rely on our physical brain nor does it have a mystical element. Through it we penetrate the veil which separates the physical and spiritual worlds. At this point our abstract thinking dissolves and we see into outer forms to the spiritual truth that sustains them. This can begin simply by looking at a plant or tree that droops towards the ground in a sad way, or a flower that lifts its head to smile at the sun. This imagining connects us in new ways with the outer world.


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Reflections on the Signs in the Gospel of St John, January – July 2006

Water to Wine – One – Changing Feeling into Thinking


On the third day there was a marriage at Cana in Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there; Jesus also was invited to the marriage, with his disciples. When the wine failed, the mother of Jesus said to him, “They have no wine.” And Jesus said to her, “O woman, what have you to do with me? My hour has not yet come.” His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.” Now six stone jars were standing there, for the Jewish rites of purification, each holding twenty or thirty gallons. Jesus said to them, “Fill the jars with water.” And they filled them up to the brim. He said to them, “Now draw some out, and take it to the steward of the feast.” So they took it. When the steward of the feast tasted the water now become wine, and did not know where it came from (though the servants who had drawn the water knew), the steward of the feast called the bridegroom and said to him, “Every man serves the good wine first; and when men have drunk freely, then the poor wine; but you have kept the good wine until now.” This, the first of his signs, Jesus did at Cana in Galilee, and manifested his glory; and his disciples believed in him. John 2:1-11

This series of Reflections will explore the so called signs in the Gospel of St John. These signs are also associated with miracles performed by Jesus after he was baptised by John the Baptist. If we take the life of Jesus as a blue print for our own spiritual development, we can use events such as these signs and miracles as a barometer of our progress.


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Reflections on the Nine Beatitudes using the Gospel of St John, August 2006 – March 2007


1.4 Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

We can look at each of the nine beatitudes in terms of the Christ-ening of the nine parts of our being; physical, etheric, astral and then the three soul and three spiritual regions. If we apply the first beatitude to our physical body we will find clues about how our I AM is enlivened in our body.

Our physical body is the most fully developed part of us. The physiology of the human being is a marvel. The way our skeleton, muscles and skin hold and protect our organs in a life giving way is truly wondrous.


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Reflections on the Book of Revelation, April 2007 – April 2010

SoulSecretPOD-001The revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave him to show to his servants what must soon take place; and he made it known by sending his angel to his servant John, who bore witness to the word of God and to the testimony of Jesus Christ, even to all that he saw. Blessed is he who reads aloud the words of the prophecy, and blessed are those who hear, and who keep what is written therein; for the time is near. Rev 1:1-3

We can read and contemplate the bible in many ways. We should certainly take notice of the literal meaning of its stories. This becomes a most difficult task when we read the Revelation to John. The imagery is shocking, mystifying and bizarre, especially when we place it outside ourselves. It more closely resembles our dream life rather than our waking life.


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Reflections on Who is Jesus, What is Christ? May 2010 – October 2016


The Bible can only be fully understood when we have a detailed knowledge of the makeup of the human being. We can only have this understanding through our own personal experience of ourselves which we have applied and tested in our own lives throughout the day. When we are able to experience that we are beings of body, soul and spirit we then come to the point of experiencing ourselves as beings of soul and spirit which occupy our body much like we would occupy a car to transport us here and there.

If we can grasp this truth and actually have a personal experience of it, we can then approach the possibility of our soul and spirit entering repeatedly into different bodies at different times in history. This could be compared to upgrading the model of our car from time to time. There is a passage in the Bible that could support this idea of reincarnation. When the Jews heard that John the Baptist was baptising they sent their representatives to question him about who he was; Christ, Elijah, or the prophet?

And this is the testimony of John, when the Jews sent priests and Levites from Jerusalem to ask him, “Who are you?” He confessed, he did not deny, but confessed, “I am not the Christ.” And they asked him, “What then? Are you Elijah?” He said, “I am not.” “Are you the prophet?” And he answered, “No.” They said to him then, “Who are you? Let us have an answer for those who sent us. What do you say about yourself?” Jn 1:19-22

Why would they choose Elijah from all the possibilities? Furthermore, they knew that Elijah was long dead? It is possible that they recognised traits of Elijah’s in the Baptist or perhaps they had the spiritual vision to see who had been in the past. So if he was Elijah in a past life why didn’t he affirm this? To answer this question fully we need to consider in some detail how and why we enter into different bodies at different times throughout history.


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To Journey Back November 2016 ongoing

This is the story about a man who has just died. In the afterlife he is tracing the life he has just lived backwards. It is a life review, step by step, from the moment of the last breath back to the moment of the first breath, to re-experience every thought, feeling, and action and interaction he had through his life.

He remains connected with his close friends and, as he sees what they are doing in the days after his death, he understands more deeply the relationship he had with them. He also sees all the activity surrounding his death, which he was not aware of when he was alive.
More and more people who have had a near death experience are reporting that this is the experience we all have when we die. At some point in their after-life experience they decided to come back and continue living their current life. We have much to learn from them, not only for when we die, but for how we can live our lives on this earth more meaningfully.

If we can have a real experience of what happens when we die it will assist us to meet the end of our own life with more awareness. Our journey forward will then be a great contribution to human evolution. I hope you enjoy this journey.

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