Kristina writes a weekly reflection which places the esoteric teachings into daily life. They are thought provoking and pertinent to 21st Century living. They focus on how we can express our I AM, our True Self, more fully in daily situations.

To Journey Back 41

Life on earth is so different from the life we lead when we die. These are not two separate conditions; they are a continuum, like night and day. Is our life on the earth night or day? Well it is closer to night because there are many things we are not conscious of during the day and at night we are completely unconscious of what takes place when we sleep. This leads us to ask what it is that continues after life on earth. Until we work this out we live in darkness.

One way to think about it is to consider our parents. They give birth to us, nurture us, keeping us safe, encouraging us to meet our challenges and to live a productive life. They are always there – even if they die but that is another story – but they are not always physically with us in every moment of our lives. As we move around in the world independently of them, we know that they are always ‘at home’. In this way we also describe our Higher Self.

While I lived on the earth with my friends, even though I was not their parent, to them I represented the Higher Self. We could say I was the Higher Self of the group. In fact many people look for this in their relationships. If they haven’t found a way to connect with their own Higher Self the next best thing is to have friendship with someone they deem higher than themselves. This is not without its drawbacks. The chosen friend can enjoy this relationship because it feeds their ego. Then there will come a time when this relationship no longer supplies the needs of the people involved and the friendship breaks up.

Of course this can be painful but it is also necessary because the dependency on the relationship prevents any real connection with the Higher Self, which is the end game. Unless our relationships can evolve, always facilitating the end game, then they must end. My relationship with my group of friends gave each of us the opportunity to foster awareness of our own higher being. We were unique in this respect, but we were also pioneers of what will become normal in the future.

As I observed this trend, I could see that the pace was quickening which meant that friendships fell apart more quickly than ever before. Each time a person in a relationship lost their independence the friendship had to die. When the friendship died, it was natural to turn our attention to the relationship that nurtured us through life, that of the parent which for many represents stability. Embracing independence, secure in the knowledge that the parent is always there for us, is exactly the way we should relate to our Higher Self.

This process of relationship breakdown then turning our attention to the parent comes with a sense of innate powerlessness. It is interesting to consider that while we live on the earth power is everything, those with power are held in the highest esteem. What we don’t realize is that the most powerful experience we can have is powerlessness and then rising above it. In that moment of being deprived of all power we have the opportunity to claim our relationship with our Higher Self, the most powerful thing in the universe.

What isn’t clear to us as we lived in the darkness of the earth is that forces exist that work against us all the time. We could call them evil forces but it is better to see them as forces of resistance. It is through their activity that we have the opportunity to overcome feeling powerless thereby recognizing who we really are, human beings whose Higher Self stands in the background always ready to work with us if we take the initiative to connect.

Again, turning my attention to my friends, I can see that they understand that this is now their task. They had their time with me; I was able to give them the experience of something higher, now, after my death, as I returned to my ‘parent’ they also could look for ways to connect to theirs.

What also became clear at this time was the need to value every single experience we have on the earth, to look for ways to embrace each and every interaction with others, however fleeting. We have the choice to interact lovingly and respectfully with everyone, and in this way we can change a situation in an instant. What we don’t realize is that after we die we can’t change anything, everything is as if etched in stone. What we have etched we relive, but now in reverse. We stand in the other ones shoes to experience what they experienced; the way we behaved, even the private thoughts and feelings we had towards them. This is why every human being lives on this earth, to learn to love and experience true power.

Volume 1 of this series is available as an ebook or paperback.


To Journey Back 42

The continuing journey of a deceased person looking back through their life in reverse.

Until we experience the reality that we live again and again on the earth we have to try and imagine what this means. This idea will not have meaning unless we give it life by creating images and pondering them until they become meaningful in our lives. As I live in the afterlife, as my being is no longer contained within the body I once had, I know what it means to live repeatedly on the earth. These stages of life, in a body and out of the body, can be seen as an expansion and contraction, like breathing in and out.

To get a sense of the out-breathing, imagine a boiling pot of water on the fire on a cold night, see the steam rising, this is how we leave our body when we die. We gradually expand towards the starry sky, and the stars and the moon are within us. This process of expansion unravels all our memories and we re-experience every single event in our lives, and we see how these events are related to other lives we have lived. We re-experience how we felt, how the other person felt, and we see that the consequences of each one’s thoughts and actions reach far beyond those immediately involved. In this sense this radiating outward is similar to the out-breathing of our being at death.

As we try to imagine life after death, placing it into our daily lives, we may begin to worry about the consequences of everything we do. This kind of paranoia is not helpful; we need to develop a level of objectivity. The right kind of objectivity can only be found through our Higher Self. The lower ego can be coldly objective, distancing itself from the situation. The Higher Self always connects, lovingly engaging in every situation, and through it we can observe with warm interest the actions and reactions taking place between us and our family, friends and broader environment.

Our purpose on this journey is to be able to see from the Higher Self’s perspective. At first we can only do this occasionally, and it is important to identify the fleeting moments when we do. To understand this more deeply we can examine our relationships with others. Often our friendships are formed in a moment when our higher selves connect, in that moment when we see each other’s true being. There are no words to describe this meeting, it is as if we stepped out of time and space and met in eternity. All the layers are peeled back, layers of conditioning, layers of bias, layers of expectation, and we stand together naked, united in purity.

Everything we experience with each other after this cannot match such intimacy, but it is important to keep that pure moment at the core of our relationship, to be faithful, committed to the soul and spirit of the person we were privileged to see. We may never see it again, and they may fall far short of it in everyday life, but the fact that we saw it once is enough. In this way we forge an authentic relationship with them based on the highest love rather than fluctuating between the prejudice of sympathy and antipathy. They experience this love as if it reaches out to the stars, giving them wings to fly. Such relationships are enabling, filled with patience and respect.

Such is the relationship I have with my friends. Whenever they fell short of that ultimate moment, I made every effort to re-see them in that glimpse of purity. In this way they never felt judged, and always felt supported in their attempts to be authentic. This exchange between us was so strengthening for all concerned.

I could see that this was a matter of great concern for everyone incarnated on the earth. It was so easy for relationships to become cloudy, to contract, to breathe in, and the purity of connection to be obscured by the demands of life on earth, or worse, through hidden selfish motives.

As I see through the layers of interconnectedness between people I notice that when the pure connection fades it is a betrayal. Judging others robs them of strength when they are in their weakest moments. Reserving judgement fortifies them, and it can feel like their guardian angel came to their rescue. This guardian angel is the being who steps in when we lose all connection with our Higher Self.

Contemplating these things made me realize that the purpose of life on the earth was to give us the opportunity to make an effort, to use our will to break through restrictions, like a chick out of the shell, and free ourselves from the illusion of matter. We must start by creating images and then fill these images with possibilities. The more we can do this, the sooner we will see that it is through our relationships that we have the opportunity to discover the truth in all its purity.

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To Journey Back: From Death to Life

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“Kristina Kaine has distilled from the profound wisdom of masters and of her own considerable experience a guidebook of immense value in pursuing the pearl of great price, the name that no one knows except the one who receives it, the “I Am.” Every human soul stands in need of this name, and our world cries out for the ennoblement of those who make this quest. —Ed Smith, Author : The Burning Bush, The Soul’s Long Journey, David’s Question “What is Man?” Bible and Anthroposophy

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Reflections on the Seven I AM sayings in the Gospel of St John January – September 2003

IAM1-001 I AM the Good Shepherd 5 – 24 June 2003

For this reason the Father loves me, because I lay down my life, that I may take it again. No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again; this charge I have received from my Father.” John 10:17f

These words speak about the ultimate sacrifice. To sacrifice our life … and to be able to sacrifice requires that you actually have something to sacrifice. This sacrifice is not that of a soldier fighting for his country, or a quasi-martyr suicide bomber. This is the shepherd giving his life for his sheep. This is about the gentle and good shepherd and the pure and innocent sheep.


John 20, Food for the I AM 1 Now on the first day of the week Mary Mag’dalene came to the tomb early, while it was still dark, and saw that the stone had been taken away from the tomb. 2 So she ran, and went to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one whom Jesus loved, and said to them, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we do not know where they have laid him.” 3 Peter then came out with the other disciple, and they went toward the tomb. 4 They both ran, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first; 5 and stooping to look in, he saw the linen cloths lying there, but he did not go in. 6 Then Simon Peter came, following him, and went into the tomb; he saw the linen cloths lying, 7 and the napkin, which had been on his head, not lying with the linen cloths but rolled up in a place by itself. 8 Then the other disciple, who reached the tomb first, also went in, and he saw and believed; 9 for as yet they did not know the scripture, that he must rise from the dead. 10 Then the disciples went back to their homes. John 20:1-10 RSV

We know that Christ had to die, but in many of the events surrounding his death choices were made. All through John 18 and 19 we see these choices, especially by Pilate and certainly by the Jews. When an event occurs without choice John writes “this was to fulfil the word”. With this in mind let’s have a look at the morning-after story when Mary and the two disciples visit the tomb. They make many choices.

Let’s say that Christ represents the I AM that must die. The Bible also tells us that a seed must die. A thoughtful person knows that a seed carries within it forces for the future. It is formed by a plant, it actually causes the plant’s death, then it rises again as a totally new plant (not cloned from the old one).


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Reflections of the Seven Christian Initiations in the Gospel of St John, September 2003 – May 2004

IAM2-001 The Mystical Death 2 – 9 May 2004 – We die to live

Read John 19:23- 42 After this Jesus, knowing that all was now finished, said (to fulfil the scripture), “I thirst.” A bowl full of vinegar stood there; so they put a sponge full of the vinegar on hyssop and held it to his mouth. When Jesus had received the vinegar, he said, “It is finished”; and he bowed his head and gave up his spirit. 19:28-30

When a person or a thing dies we are told that it no longer exists except as ashes or refuse. Close scrutiny reveals that the opposite is true.

Consider this text in John 12 And Jesus answered them, “The hour has come for the Son of man to be glorified. Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. John 12:23-24


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Reflections on the Eightfold Path of Buddha in the Gospel of St John, June 2004 – December 2004


Read John 5:22-30 The Father judges no one, but has given all judgment to the Son, that all may honor the Son, even as they honor the Father. He who does not honor the Son does not honor the Father who sent him. Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears my word and believes him who sent me, has eternal life; he does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life. John 5:22-24

As the Father is about the will, the Son is about thinking. Judging is no longer cosmically impelled; our judging now arises through our personal thinking. This thinking must be rigorous. A reason for errors of judgement is that thinking is not carried through to the end. It is so easy to jump off the train of thought prematurely. Early conclusions are so tempting, not to mention the time that they save. Lucifer always encourages us to take the easy way out.


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Reflections on the Twelve Disciples using the Gospel of St John, January – December 2005


Nathanael – Two – Imagining

Philip found Nathan’a-el, and said to him, “We have found him of whom Moses in the law and also the prophets wrote, Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.” Nathan’a-el said to him, “Can anything good come out of Nazareth?” Philip said to him, “Come and see.” Jesus saw Nathan’a-el coming to him, and said of him, “Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom is no guile!” Nathan’a-el said to him, “How do you know me?” Jesus answered him, “Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you.” Nathan’a-el answered him, “Rabbi, you are the Son of God! You are the King of Israel!” Jesus answered him, “Because I said to you, I saw you under the fig tree, do you believe? You shall see greater things than these.” And he said to him, “Truly, truly, I say to you, you will see heaven opened, and the angels of God ascending and descending upon the Son of man.” John 1:45-51

Nathanael represents one of the most misunderstood human abilities, our Imagination. In reality, Imagination extends our consciousness into another dimension. It is a spiritual faculty which does not rely on our physical brain nor does it have a mystical element. Through it we penetrate the veil which separates the physical and spiritual worlds. At this point our abstract thinking dissolves and we see into outer forms to the spiritual truth that sustains them. This can begin simply by looking at a plant or tree that droops towards the ground in a sad way, or a flower that lifts its head to smile at the sun. This imagining connects us in new ways with the outer world.


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Reflections on the Signs in the Gospel of St John, January – July 2006

Water to Wine – One – Changing Feeling into Thinking


On the third day there was a marriage at Cana in Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there; Jesus also was invited to the marriage, with his disciples. When the wine failed, the mother of Jesus said to him, “They have no wine.” And Jesus said to her, “O woman, what have you to do with me? My hour has not yet come.” His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.” Now six stone jars were standing there, for the Jewish rites of purification, each holding twenty or thirty gallons. Jesus said to them, “Fill the jars with water.” And they filled them up to the brim. He said to them, “Now draw some out, and take it to the steward of the feast.” So they took it. When the steward of the feast tasted the water now become wine, and did not know where it came from (though the servants who had drawn the water knew), the steward of the feast called the bridegroom and said to him, “Every man serves the good wine first; and when men have drunk freely, then the poor wine; but you have kept the good wine until now.” This, the first of his signs, Jesus did at Cana in Galilee, and manifested his glory; and his disciples believed in him. John 2:1-11

This series of Reflections will explore the so called signs in the Gospel of St John. These signs are also associated with miracles performed by Jesus after he was baptised by John the Baptist. If we take the life of Jesus as a blue print for our own spiritual development, we can use events such as these signs and miracles as a barometer of our progress.


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Reflections on the Nine Beatitudes using the Gospel of St John, August 2006 – March 2007


1.4 Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

We can look at each of the nine beatitudes in terms of the Christ-ening of the nine parts of our being; physical, etheric, astral and then the three soul and three spiritual regions. If we apply the first beatitude to our physical body we will find clues about how our I AM is enlivened in our body.

Our physical body is the most fully developed part of us. The physiology of the human being is a marvel. The way our skeleton, muscles and skin hold and protect our organs in a life giving way is truly wondrous.


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Reflections on the Book of Revelation, April 2007 – April 2010

SoulSecretPOD-001The revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave him to show to his servants what must soon take place; and he made it known by sending his angel to his servant John, who bore witness to the word of God and to the testimony of Jesus Christ, even to all that he saw. Blessed is he who reads aloud the words of the prophecy, and blessed are those who hear, and who keep what is written therein; for the time is near. Rev 1:1-3

We can read and contemplate the bible in many ways. We should certainly take notice of the literal meaning of its stories. This becomes a most difficult task when we read the Revelation to John. The imagery is shocking, mystifying and bizarre, especially when we place it outside ourselves. It more closely resembles our dream life rather than our waking life.


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Reflections on Who is Jesus, What is Christ? May 2010 – October 2016


The Bible can only be fully understood when we have a detailed knowledge of the makeup of the human being. We can only have this understanding through our own personal experience of ourselves which we have applied and tested in our own lives throughout the day. When we are able to experience that we are beings of body, soul and spirit we then come to the point of experiencing ourselves as beings of soul and spirit which occupy our body much like we would occupy a car to transport us here and there.

If we can grasp this truth and actually have a personal experience of it, we can then approach the possibility of our soul and spirit entering repeatedly into different bodies at different times in history. This could be compared to upgrading the model of our car from time to time. There is a passage in the Bible that could support this idea of reincarnation. When the Jews heard that John the Baptist was baptising they sent their representatives to question him about who he was; Christ, Elijah, or the prophet?

And this is the testimony of John, when the Jews sent priests and Levites from Jerusalem to ask him, “Who are you?” He confessed, he did not deny, but confessed, “I am not the Christ.” And they asked him, “What then? Are you Elijah?” He said, “I am not.” “Are you the prophet?” And he answered, “No.” They said to him then, “Who are you? Let us have an answer for those who sent us. What do you say about yourself?” Jn 1:19-22

Why would they choose Elijah from all the possibilities? Furthermore, they knew that Elijah was long dead? It is possible that they recognised traits of Elijah’s in the Baptist or perhaps they had the spiritual vision to see who had been in the past. So if he was Elijah in a past life why didn’t he affirm this? To answer this question fully we need to consider in some detail how and why we enter into different bodies at different times throughout history.


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