How do we help others grieve?

On day 7 of the Retreat, Rev Mario Schoenmaker spoke about an important principle in, what he termed, esoteric psychology. He said, “whereby you (and it is a Biblical concept as well) cry with those who cry, have pain with those who are in pain, are joyful with those who are joyful and so on.”

Using grief as an example he said, “In esoteric language we say that grief is lowest on the ladder, one cannot sink any lower in terms of feelings, emotions, etc.. If you deal with a person who is grieving then you have to become a grieving person as well. But, with one difference; that you are slightly above them. […] you are able to stretch out your hand and lift them up to the level where you are.”

“So if we take St Paul’s advice seriously, then indeed we can grieve with those who are grieving, weep with those who are weeping, be hungry with those who are hungry but we are slightly one step ahead of them. So, at all times we can lift them to where we are and then we can go a step further again. That we may call a consultation or counselling, call it whatever you like it doesn’t matter.”

Then, as he often did, Rev Mario spoke of the difference between old cultures and the current development of the human soul, which is all about showing people that they are strong within themselves. “If you sit on the floor with the person you are grieving with, and start grieving with them it is no great help to them. The saying about a shared burden is not quite true. You don’t share the burden, you lift the burden.

So in the beginning you will not quite know what sort of an attitude or feeling you have to express but as long as the other person knows that you are actually feeling what they are feeling. Then, you don’t walk in their moccasins as the Indian expression goes, you walk one step ahead. At the same time you know their pains, their grief; you feel it, and the other person knows that you are feeling it. In this way, you can then take one step further.” 6.09.1996

Image: The Lament by Sir Edward Burne-Jones 1865-1866